Breakfast in company or alone. Networking for those who hate him

We all know the importance, especially for career goals. Meanwhile, there are many people who hate him wholeheartedly. Of course, these are introverts. Devorah Zack, author of Networking for Introverts, is from the same category. Nevertheless, she chose the profession of a coach and teaches to make connections of those people who have difficulties with this.

Introvert Benefits

Not only isolation prevents introverts from communicating. Very often, a certain awkwardness and closeness come from self-doubt. Introverts feel abnormal in this extraverted world. Meanwhile, they have advantages that can and should be used. Here are a few of them:

• introverts are observant and very capable of non-verbal communication;
• they are independent and live in their inner world;
• they are very good listeners;
• introverts are prone to deep, quality relationships.

These qualities help to make connections efficiently - further we will analyze in more detail how this happens.

New rules for networking

The number of extroverts in society prevails. The whole modern world is created in such a way as to contribute to this talkative majority in everything. Almost all the networking tips that you have come across before are written by extroverts for extroverts. The time has come to destroy this vicious system. Devorah Zack offers three new rules that contradict the classic teachings.

Deprecated Rule # 1: Speak as much as possible, act assertively.

New Rule # 1: Take a break.

Extroverts say to think. Introverts think to speak. That is why the first use the "obsolete" rule number 1. This is their advantage. Take advantage of yours too. If possible, plan your subject and strategy in advance. Do not immediately try to say what comes to mind first. Use pauses and listening time to ponder your answer.

Deprecated Rule # 2: Sell Yourself.

New Rule # 2: Analyze.

While your interlocutor gives out tons of information about yourself, do not be afraid of the need to do the same. Remember that you are an introvert - which means you love to analyze and observe. Do it. And use your findings in future communication. And of course, ask a lot of questions.

Deprecated Rule # 3: Spend as much time as possible with other people.

New Rule # 3: Choose a Dimension Strategy

Take timeouts periodically. During crowded events, look for an opportunity to relax and be alone with yourself. Do not chase the number of new contacts. You are inclined to deep connections - 1-2 new, but high-quality acquaintances will be enough.

Instructions for Surviving a Networking Event

“I don’t want to attend such meetings, but as a result, I almost never regret it,” - this is how Deborah Zak described her attitude to social events. The following tips will help you never to be disappointed in such situations.

Training

Register in advance for the event. Clarify your goals and expectations, tune in to positive. Think over your outfit. Try to leave work early to be alone and recharge. Try to sign up for volunteers or helpers at the event - many introverts feel more comfortable getting a role. Bring a comrade with you - responsibility to someone always adds motivation and determination. Come to the meeting as early as possible - it’s much easier to get comfortable in a small group than in a huge crowd of people.

Do not forget about the measured

Focus on the person you are talking to. Many introverts say they don’t know what to talk about. You do not need it. Ask questions and listen - everyone will like it. But do not try to dodge when the same tactics are applied to you. Think in advance that you are ready to tell about yourself.

Plan yourself pauses - when you can go somewhere to walk alone and restore energy. End the conversation on a positive note - it is better to leave on a specious pretext than to let the conversation fade. Do not forget about pleasant manners, careless tone and friendly smile.

Do not stop there

Acquaintance needs to be developed. After the meeting, be sure to write to a new friend in the mail or on social networks. Refer to the subject of the first conversation, ask how the new project is progressing or how the trip went. Send a link with useful information that would be interesting to your interlocutor. Introverts love to express their thoughts in writing - take advantage of your advantage.

Finally, reward yourself with a pleasant outcome for the event. You definitely deserve rest and encouragement. In addition, it will help you recover your energy.

Platinum rule

Everyone knows the golden rule of morality: "Do with others as you want them to do with you." Well, if others are the same as you and want the same as you. But this does not always happen, especially in relationships such as introvert-extrovert. What to do in this case? The platinum rule will help you: "Treat others the way they want to be treated." In fact, it is much more complicated than it seems. You will have to do two things at once: quickly evaluate a person and be flexible and be able to change the style of behavior.

Here are some tips to make this easier:

1. Show respect. And do it based on the psychotype of another person. Say, rushing openly to an introvert colleague who has not been seen for 2 weeks is not a good idea.
2. Adapt. This does not mean trying to remake yourself. Your motives and principles should remain the same. Only change your behavior.
3. Be careful in your aspirations - becoming a successful networker, you will have to communicate a lot with new people. For the introvert, this is fraught with large losses of energy. Try to find a balance between communication and relaxation.

Networking is everywhere

If you do not live on a desert island, then your whole life is networking. We gain new connections not only at special events. Of course, many introverts are frightened by the lack of control over this process. However, this can be fixed.

Remember (and better still write down), in which situations networking was easy for you. Perhaps this is a conference on topics of interest to you, where you were a volunteer? Now think about how you could transfer this experience to other possibilities. For example, you can sign up as a volunteer in a local theater, where you go very rarely. This will allow you to go to performances, feel confident in the role of volunteer helpers, and meet new people.

Or it could be some training courses. Such events have qualities that will definitely attract introverts. They last long enough to get to know their members well. In addition, if you like the subject of the courses, you will be more energetic and enthusiastic.

Work searches

In fact, this is a process in which people engage in self-promotion, trying to prove to a potential employer that they are better than their competitors. Is there something that introverts hate more?

In fact, this is far from such a complex art, and we will approach it from a truly introverted position - measured and deliberate.

Start with a smile

This is the easiest thing you can do for a better first impression of yourself. It's simple - you don’t have to say anything. It's safe - you will be considered a confident and friendly person. A smile is an invitation to a conversation, but very unobtrusive. You are not risking anything.

Get ready

You were asked for a little self-presentation. You, of course, are in a panic - you do not know how and do not like to do this. But everything can be fixed - just get ready for it in advance. Think, record and rehearse a minute speech about yourself. Introduce yourself, tell us what you are doing and what you would like to do. Do not forget to mention your achievements. Make several options for different circumstances and goals.

Give due attention to first impressions.

Remember those people who left behind a very successful first impression. Analyze why this happened. What qualities and manners have they demonstrated? Now think about what you could copy from this list? For example, it is difficult to learn four languages, but developing an attentive attitude to the person you are talking to is relatively easy.

Networking on business trips

Another situation in which you often have to contact new people is business trips.

Introverts do not like to meet fellow travelers on trips - but something can be changed here. Remember that you don’t have to chat all the time. Say hello politely to your neighbors at the start of your journey. If possible, do some minor service or just say a couple of relevant phrases. Continue the conversation if you feel contact. Keep the conversation going as long as you see fit, and then take your leave with one of the friendly phrases:

• Sorry, but I need to work;
• I need to rest before landing;
• I was glad to talk with you.

Or something like that. Exchange contacts, and be sure to write to a new friend within 24 hours.

Before a business trip, try to plan your time to set aside breaks for relaxation. Be adamant - if you feel tired, answer “no” to the offer to go to the bar in the evening. But do it as politely as possible. However, sometimes you can feel a surge of energy and desire - take advantage of such moments. They can give you unexpectedly many interesting and useful acquaintances.

Summary

Despite the apparent isolation and lack of communication, introverts have their own advantages that can be used for effective networking. Always carefully plan any activities related to communicating with new people - this will give you confidence. Observe, analyze and ask questions - you are an expert in building strong and deep connections. Use the platinum rule and find your key to different people. Remember to relax alone and recharge - plan ahead for this.

Devora Zach Networking for Introverts

To my boys

Who would have expected an introvert to tell such deeply personal things about himself?

Communication, and communication again.

М.. M. Forster, “Howards End Estate” Latin is taught in Greek

On my first day of graduate school at Cornell University, I attended a lecture on microeconomics. Trying to calm the frightened first-year postgraduate students, the professor calmly explained that he would show a lot of diagrams - but let the audience not panic. “Just imagine that diagrams are flowcharts and everything will become clear to you,” he admonished. I, a graduate in the humanities, who have little knowledge of the economy, suddenly felt dizzy, everything faded before my eyes. I have never heard of flowcharts. This is the end.

Later, I found a suitable comparison to describe the experience of the first weeks at a business school: all this was like trying to learn Latin in Greek - but I also did not know Greek. I zealously outlined, but didn’t understand anything of what the teacher had been talking about about the dead and a half hours.

A born antinetorker falls into the same trap, trying to follow all the rules of networking, which are not intended for him at all. Pointless occupation. These rules can safely be thrown into the trash if one existed in your head. The rules themselves are wonderful. Unless they are written in a foreign language. Here is a book about networking written in that language that is understood and understood by introverts - people are depressed by their inability to successfully interact. What a luck! Finally, you have a chance to pass the exam.

By the way, now I annually return to Cornell - I teach students of the MBA course networking skills. But I was not invited to listen again to lectures on economics.

Networking for those who hate him

If you have an aversion to any occupation, without which you can live peacefully, why don't you find yourself something else? Why plague yourself? And why, you ask, do you need this book at all? Isn’t it the same as giving a cheese omelette recipe to a person with intolerance to eggs and cheese? Or to a sufferer of terrible hay fever surround himself with fragrant flowers?

These are serious questions. Thank you for asking them.

Actually, I completely agree with you. Do not waste precious time on a business that you hate. However, you can’t get off so easily. You will not put this book back on the shelf (or close the electronic file), declaring yourself absolutely incapable of networking. Because…

Now I will demonstrate an amazing focus, turning networking into a pleasant and useful activity for you. No no! No hallucinogens. Sit back, turn the page, and start reading. You will not regret.

This guide begins with a thorough study of traditional concepts of networking, and ends with their complete debunking. This is what they are calling for:

More contacts \u003d higher chance of success.

Never dine alone.

Meet new people all the time.

Try to get out to people as often as possible.

Until this day, as far as I know, books about networking have been written for people of a certain warehouse - for those who are initially predisposed to this occupation and rejoice at the prospect of eating snacks at a noisy event full of strangers.

(Right now, I will prove to you that this temperament is characteristic of only 30-50 percent of the world's population.) I am sure that the authors make this mistake unintentionally, guided by the best intentions. And I just burn with anger at the thought of it. It turns out that the authors ignore the remaining 50–70 percent of humanity. They are misleading. Cheat. But the time has come to regain the rightful share of networking.

Getting started, you will understand the need to understand and strengthen your natural inclinations. No one else will force us to go against our own nature.

What are we worried about?

What? What are you talking about? You do not like networking and are not at all interested in them? Does he bore you? Not useful? You don’t have time for this? Do you need him? Is this false, self-serving, deceitful, superficial, insidious, manipulative and useless occupation?

Take a deep breath. Drink some water. And pull yourself together.

Introverts, constrained and unable to make contacts, fail in traditional networking, following tips not intended for them.

After analyzing the traditional methods of networking, the author of the book came to the conclusion that they were written for extroverts. But what about the rest of the people - those who hate noisy parties, self-promotion and praise, and prefer to spend most of their time alone? Do they really need useful contacts and business contacts? Not at all. The author introduces new rules - the rules of networking for introverts - thereby turning this art into a useful and enjoyable activity. The book contains many valuable tips and recommendations applicable to the goals of networking, taking into account the characteristics of the nature of introverts, and instructive examples from the author’s many years of experience make the book a truly fascinating read that introverts love so much.

On my first day of graduate school at Cornell University, I attended a lecture on microeconomics. Trying to calm the frightened first-year postgraduate students, the professor calmly explained that he would show a lot of diagrams - but let the audience not panic. “Just imagine that diagrams are flowcharts and everything will become clear to you,” he admonished. I, a graduate in the humanities, who have little knowledge of the economy, suddenly felt dizzy, everything faded before my eyes. I have never heard of flowcharts. This is the end.

Later, I found a suitable comparison to describe the experience of the first weeks at a business school: all this was like trying to learn Latin in Greek - but I also did not know Greek. I zealously outlined, but didn’t understand anything of what the teacher had been talking about about the dead and a half hours.

The born trapped in the same trap

anti-networker

trying to follow all the rules of networking, designed completely not for him. Pointless occupation. These rules can safely be thrown into the trash if one existed in your head. The rules themselves are wonderful. Unless they are written in a foreign language. Here is a book about networking written in that language that is understood and understood by introverts - people are depressed by their inability to successfully interact. What a luck! Finally, you have a chance to pass the exam.

By the way, now I annually return to Cornell - I teach students of the MBA course networking skills. But I was not invited to listen again to lectures on economics.

Chapter 1

Welcome to the world of networking

Some people are ready to swear that I am an extrovert.

This opinion brings me to a white heat. I stubbornly reject such accusations, but a flurry of convincing examples prove me wrong. “But you make a living from seminars, give presentations to huge groups ... One cannot fail to notice that you like it! Besides, you know how to communicate with strangers ... ”And so on and so forth.

by definition

can't be a good speaker or networker.

Now we will discuss, refute and turn these misconceptions upside down.

On my first day of graduate school at Cornell University, I attended a lecture on microeconomics. Trying to calm the frightened first-year postgraduate students, the professor calmly explained that he would show a lot of diagrams - but let the audience not panic. “Just imagine that diagrams are flowcharts and everything will become clear to you,” he admonished. I, a graduate in the humanities, who have little knowledge of the economy, suddenly felt dizzy, everything faded before my eyes. I have never heard of flowcharts. This is the end.

Later, I found a suitable comparison to describe the experience of the first weeks at a business school: all this was like trying to learn Latin in Greek - but I also did not know Greek. I zealously outlined, but didn’t understand anything of what the teacher had been talking about about the dead and a half hours.

The born trapped in the same trap anti-networker, trying to follow all the rules of networking, designed completely not for him. Pointless occupation. These rules can safely be thrown into the trash if one existed in your head. The rules themselves are wonderful. Unless they are written in a foreign language. Here is a book about networking written in that language that is understood and understood by introverts - people are depressed by their inability to successfully interact. What a luck! Finally, you have a chance to pass the exam.

By the way, now I annually return to Cornell - I teach students of the MBA course networking skills. But I was not invited to listen again to lectures on economics.

Networking for those who hate him

If you have an aversion to any occupation, without which you can live peacefully, why don't you find yourself something else? Why plague yourself? And why, you ask, do you need this book at all? Isn’t it the same as giving a cheese omelette recipe to a person with intolerance to eggs and cheese? Or to a sufferer of terrible hay fever surround himself with fragrant flowers?

These are serious questions. Thank you for asking them.

Actually, I completely agree with you. Do not waste precious time on a business that you hate. However, you can’t get off so easily. You will not put this book back on the shelf (or close the electronic file), declaring yourself absolutely incapable of networking. Because…

Now I will demonstrate an amazing focus, turning networking into a pleasant and useful activity for you. No no! No hallucinogens. Sit back, turn the page, and start reading. You will not regret.

This guide begins with a thorough study of traditional concepts of networking, and ends with their complete debunking. This is what they are calling for:

More contacts \u003d higher chance of success.

Never dine alone.

Meet new people all the time.

Try to get out to people as often as possible.

Until this day, as far as I know, books about networking have been written for people of a certain warehouse - for those who are initially predisposed to this occupation and rejoice at the prospect of eating snacks at a noisy event full of strangers.

(Right now, I will prove to you that this temperament is characteristic of only 30-50 percent of the world's population.) I am sure that the authors make this mistake unintentionally, guided by the best intentions. And I just burn with anger at the thought of it. It turns out that the authors ignore the remaining 50–70 percent of humanity. They are misleading. Cheat. But the time has come to regain the rightful share of networking.

Getting started, you will understand the need to understand and strengthen your natural inclinations. No one else will force us to go against our own nature.

What are we worried about?

What? What are you talking about? You do not like networking and are not at all interested in them? Does he bore you? Not useful? You don’t have time for this? Do you need him? Is this false, self-serving, deceitful, superficial, insidious, manipulative and useless occupation?

Take a deep breath. Drink some water. And pull yourself together.

Introverts, constrained and unable to make contacts, fail in traditional networking, following tips not intended for them.

According to my experience, people who consider themselves haters of networking think they are not capable of it. In fact, you have everything to be a great networker, you just follow the wrong rules. Typical networking tips do not suit you, because you consider yourself a weakling in this area. You hate  this lesson.

Now, finally, with the help of this book, people like you and me will be able to master the networking method that does not contradict their true self.

What are we risking?

Only by what you most want to achieve in life. And nothing more.

Networking will allow you to realize your potential. Do you have a big goal? Perhaps you want to find a new job, get promoted, establish new professional or personal contacts, make this world a better place, gain credibility, sell goods or services, write a book, make a deal, strengthen cooperation, build a reputation, realize a dream or start your own business ...

Networking will lead you to the goal. For fifteen years of work in the field of consulting, I have not met a person who would not get the benefits of learning networking - in one form or another.

What is networking? This is the art of building and maintaining mutually beneficial acquaintances.

Real networking is communication.

The more naturally you behave, the more flexible and valuable dating networks you can create. You have the opportunity to study networking methods that do not contradict your nature, and use its advantages. A cute introvert, tired of trying to build relationships, you will learn how to interact, and not fight yourself. Your imaginary flaws will now become your strengths.

Well, what do you say?

ROI

Time is your most valuable asset (unless, of course, you are a billionaire). What can you say about the merits of this guide, which will steal several hours of your precious time - but you could spend it on many other interesting activities? So…

1. You will learn a new, ultra-efficient networking method described simply and easily.

2. Get a lot of practical advice, as well as take simple and logical steps, directly  applicable to your networking goals.

3. Benefit from reading and exploring many great examples from my many years of practice in various fields.

Take a pen or pencil, you will need them. Doing nothing will not work. Thank you for agreeing to keep me company.

Welcome to the world of networking

Start trusting yourself, and you will immediately understand how to live.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe

A well-developed network of business contacts is important for every entrepreneur, regardless of his nature. However, many introverts can be unpleasant to do what, by definition, involves networking - communication with a large number of strangers. TV presenter, entrepreneur and small business expert Carol Roth shared her tips on how to connect with people if you don’t really like talking to them.

Due to the fact that I have a strong character and act on television, many people find it difficult to believe that I am an introvert. I’m much more comfortable staying home alone than going somewhere in the community. In fact, my worst nightmare is to attend a mass event with a huge number of guests.

I agree that the very idea of \u200b\u200bestablishing contacts with strangers and turning them into a valuable resource may be unpleasant for someone. But I also often speak in public and know firsthand how important a developed network of contacts is for an entrepreneur, so networking should be part of a business plan.

Photo: Hramovnick / Getty Images

But what about those who would have been far more willing to hide in a corner than communicate with strangers?

Creating the developed network of contacts is within the power of everyone - even the king of parties, even the most shy Tikhon - the main thing is to clearly understand the essence and purpose of networking.

Here are four of my best tips to help introverts get their way around.

1. Plan your participation in events

If you and I are alike, then the idea of \u200b\u200bmeeting countless strangers brings you the same pleasure as the idea of \u200b\u200bsticking a plug in your eye. However, you can make your life easier if you plan ahead. When you find out about an upcoming event that might be useful to you, contact the organizers a few days before. Find out from them which of the guests you should meet to succeed in achieving your goals. Ask if the organizer can introduce you in advance by email or via.

Thus, on the day of the event, you may find yourself in the same room with hundreds of strangers, but you will already know who you should look for and why. You do not have to start dating from scratch, and you can immediately proceed to a more detailed discussion of common interests.

2. Think of existing contacts

Friends and relatives are already a network of contacts. But many do not realize that these people can help with solving business problems and finding the right connections. If you need help solving a particular problem or finding new customers, talk to those who love you, believe in you, and may have connections that you did not even suspect about. All you need to expand your network of contacts is to be introduced to a new person.

Do not underestimate the value of other people's connections. One of my most useful contacts came from a friend who worked in a completely different industry, and I would never have imagined that he could help me find the person I needed. This useful contact turned out to be a friend of our family. If I didn’t want to ask my friends and relatives for help — and I would independently evaluate who could help me — I would never have met that valuable person.

In addition, do not forget about the closest people. Most likely, every day you communicate with those you know well enough to ask for help. One of my friends went to the same spa for years. On one of her visits, she brought several advertising brochures to her business and asked if they could be left at the front desk next to other advertising materials. So she was able to receive several calls from people already interested in her services, and avoided the need for cold calls.

3. Appreciate quality over quantity

Some see the essence of networking in collecting as many business cards from people as possible. This approach is not only able to scare any introvert, but rarely brings results. It is much more efficient to find a few people with whom you can develop deep mutually beneficial relationships than to collect thousands of business cards from people with whom you are unlikely to ever speak again. Therefore, even at conferences with thousands of guests, try to make new acquaintances gradually.

Photo: mangsaab / Depositphotos

Alternatively, most people take food breaks, so you can invite a few people from the morning session to have lunch together. So you create a small group of people who share common interests, and eliminate the need to call each of these people one at a time. Perhaps these people will not become your friends for life, but at least you will know that each of the business cards you receive means something to you.