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100 ways to change the life of rtf. How it works? Disabled Techniques and Success Stories

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Dedicated to my mother Flora, who always supports my crazy ideas (and sometimes acts as their instigator)

Introduction

After the first part of the book was released, several hundred reviews appeared on the network (by the way, you can see them on social networks by hashtag). Most of them started like this: “I would never have bought a book with that title if I hadn’t been advised [by the name of some authoritative critic / blogger / friend].”

So, if you don’t know anything about the “100 Ways to Change Your Life” series, do not be afraid of such a pretentious name. I promise: I’ll name the next book so that no one suspects me of pathos and “vanilla”. For example, "Pasta, Boards, Salvador Dali."

And now you have in your hands an unusual, despite the name, book. To create two parts of “100 Ways ...”, I read more than 1000 books. I mixed the best ideas, techniques, thoughts and quotes in my head, flavored the stories of real people, added souls, hearts, irony, healthy self-criticism and put them on these pages. As one girl wrote in a review: “This book replaces hundreds of books on self-development.”

At the same time, on these pages you will find many copyright developments (others would stretch each of them to a whole book) that you would not meet anywhere else.

Highway of Change. My author’s concept is a path of four segments that anyone who decides to turn his life through 180 degrees passes. It contains answers to two main questions: “Where to start?” and "How to move to a new level?"

Wheel of calling. An interesting scheme that helps to understand whether you are going there. This is a tool that clearly shows in what business you will feel in place. I have been working on this technique for the past three years.

The era of accumulation. This is a chapter for those who are stuck on the same level and cannot budge. You will find a system of Five Points that will allow you to finally turn from a "friend of the main character" into the main character. Believe me: you have "accumulated" enough to become the main thing.

SPIDER. I don’t know about you, but I have never been given traditional planning in the spirit of “We must create a plan for five years.” “Are you out of your mind? I don’t even know where I will be in a week! ” So I came up with a multivariate planning system and case analysis for the PAUC system.

Another chapter is called: "12" dents ", a man like a ball of plasticine, or Why a maniac always finds his victim." In it, I compare a person with a ball of plasticine and explain how, in my opinion, the world works: why everyone gets what they deserve, and how the hell finally knows what to stop.

The power of the book is that it imperceptibly brings you into a state of inspiration, insights and a desire to immediately move towards the realization of its great designs. As one reader wrote: "The pages are programmed to inevitably raise the mood, a sense of self-worth and self-confidence."

And also: the fact that the book is in your hands is a sign.

Enjoy reading!

Motivation

Three important questions that help prioritize and better understand yourself

Sometimes I think: “I wonder how the universe is easiest to talk to us?” And I understand: through the little things. Often we get answers from randomly heard phrases, lines of songs, quotes from films. Over the past year, I accidentally heard three questions that made me think seriously.

Question number 1

I recently spoke with my friend Ruslan Skorpov, and he told such a story about a question that made him think.

A few years ago I was resting in Austria. After several descents from the mountains, they went with friends to soak in the sauna. And at one point they noticed a foggy inscription on the glass. We came closer and saw words in English there. It was a question: “If your life were a film, how would you like to continue it?”

And we began to fantasize. My friend said that in his film, he, as the main character, becomes successful and opens his network of gas stations. My wife said that she dreams of becoming a sought-after financial consultant. And I thought that I want to become the most famous presenter in Kazan. We thought for a long time on the topic of how we would like to see the continuation of films of our lives.

And here's what is interesting: after a few years, everything that the guys then guessed came true. And now Ruslan says that he very often uses this technique, calling it “The film“ My Legendary Life ””:

- Every time I need to make a decision, I think about the film that I am shooting right now. If I am offered to participate in any project, then I ask myself: “Suppose I agree and this project will get into my film, the audience will say“ Wow! It is powerful! ” or not?" When I talk with a person, I ask myself: “Is this dialogue worthy of getting into the movie?” Would he teach anything to the audience? Or would you watch this moment while rewinding? ” And it also motivates you to action - for example, on a day off, when you could lie in bed or somehow kill time. I understand that for my legendary film about legendary life, this would be too boring, and I come up with adventures for the coming day. This question very seriously affected my attitude. Now there is nothing to be done: I’m the main character of my own film. I have to play one hundred percent. "

And if your life was a movie, how would you like to continue it?

Question number 2

Recently, the book “642 ideas, what else to write about” fell into my hands. It contains 642 ideas that will help you start writing and / or better understanding yourself. There was one question that made clear what was most important to me. It sounded like this: “If you could leave only one memory from your whole life, what kind of memory would it be?”

And really, what memory do I consider the most valuable in my life? I thought of this story for myself. Suppose I live to a hundred, and at some point my memory weakens. By this time, doctors can only sew into my internal computer three memories that I can watch as a movie when I want. Only three in a lifetime and nothing else. And at that moment everything suddenly became clear to me. The grains separated from the chaff. Of the three most important memories, two were related to my family and travel. And one more thing I would like to preserve is the day when they decided at the MIF editorial board that they would publish my book “100 Ways to Change Life”.

Larisa Parfentieva

100 ways to change your life. Part 2

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Dedicated to my mother Flora, who always supports my crazy ideas (and sometimes acts as their instigator)

Introduction

At the same time, on these pages you will find many copyright developments (others would stretch each of them to a whole book) that you would not meet anywhere else.

Larisa Parfentieva

100 ways to change your life. Part 2

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

Dedicated to my mother Flora, who always supports my crazy ideas (and sometimes acts as their instigator)

Introduction

After the first part of the book was released, several hundred reviews appeared on the network (by the way, you can see them on social networks using the hashtag # 100 of ways to change life). Most of them started like this: “I would never have bought a book with that title if I hadn’t been advised [by the name of some authoritative critic / blogger / friend].”

At the same time, on these pages you will find many copyright developments (others would stretch each of them to a whole book) that you would not meet anywhere else.

And also: the fact that the book is in your hands is a sign.

Enjoy reading!

Larisa Parfentieva and # 100 ways to change a life

Motivation

Three important questions that help prioritize and better understand yourself

Question number 1

I recently spoke with my friend Ruslan Skorpov, and he told such a story about a question that made him think.

And if your life was a movie, how would you like to continue it?

Question number 2

Question number 3

Over the past couple of years I have read hundreds of books. They had dozens of exercises and techniques that help to understand which way to move. But most often, both experts and ordinary people refer to one main question, which perfectly cleans the brain. A sticker with this question hangs over many desktops of the most powerful of this world. I propose to take a pen and a sheet and answer it. Right now. Ask yourself: “What would I do if I knew exactly what I could do?”

Answer honestly, forgetting fears and self-doubt. Forget those who do not believe in you. And those who say that you need to be humble. And all the excuses in the world. What would you do?

How to make the impossible possible, or the Method of "temporary difficulties"

Recently I came across a video from the Novosibirsk TEDx conference. It was called “The Power of the Mind,” the speaker was Arkady Zucker, director of the Center for Strategic Consulting.

I would hardly have opened this video, but two points worked. First, an authoritative person reposted him with a comment: “Look if you think you have problems.” Secondly, in 2015 I also performed at TEDx, and I wanted to feel this atmosphere.

Arkady’s speech began as follows: “Often, when I present strategic decisions to clients, they tell me -“ This is impossible ”. And today I want to tell you why I'm sure that everything is possible ... "

And he told a story that shocked me, and shared a method that helps make the impossible possible. It is called "living thinking," or the "method of temporary difficulties."

Arkady was born with severe cerebral palsy. Doctors claimed that all his life he would speak poorly, move poorly and would never be able to live like a “normal” person.

Larisa Parfentieva

100 ways to change your life. Part one

Legal support for the publisher is provided by the Vegas Lex Law Firm.

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Dreaming is not bad

How to get what you really want

Barbara Cher

Important years

Why you should not put off life for later

Get out of your comfort zone. change your life

21 methods to increase personal effectiveness

Brian Tracy

Dedicated to my dad Victor who always believed in me

Introduction

A few years ago I found myself in a deep life dead end: an unloved (albeit prestigious) job, 30 kilograms of excess weight, a lot of bad habits, a rented apartment, loans, eternally unsuccessful relationships and a feeling of complete nonsense.

But the worst thing was not even this, but a feeling of unfulfillment. I felt some kind of strength within me that was asking outside. I saw the potential in myself. I knew that I could become someone more.

Goethe’s quote once caught my eye: “In the depths of man lies a creative force that can create what should be, which will not give us rest and relaxation until we express it.”

I constantly asked myself: “How to truly fulfill oneself? And what does it mean? Where to begin? How to break out of this vicious circle? ”

I read success stories and thought that they were trying to deceive me: at first everything was really bad in these “beautiful fairy tales”, and then bang - and good. But not a word about how the path from "the bottom" to the "cover of Time magazine" has been traveled.

How did a single mother, who worked as a waitress for seven years, become a life coach and helped more than a million people find their destiny? How did a slum boy who didn’t even have shoes get to become an actor and get an Oscar? Where did the 28-year-old girl, who was left alone with the child and living on social benefits, find strength to complete the book about the wizard boy, which later brought her world fame? How did a guy named Walt not break when he was fired from the newspaper for his “lack of imagination” and became known as the creator of the multimedia empire of the Walt Disney Company? How did a grandmother named Lynn Miller first enter the stage at the age of 78 - and become a stand-up comedian? Why did scientist Thomas Edison not give up after 10 thousand attempts and eventually open an incandescent lamp?

... And I found answers that helped me change. And now I help others - in books, at workshops and performances. All the answers are in this book, which was born from the weekly column “100 Ways to Change Your Life” on the website of Mann, Ivanov and Ferber Publishing House.

Just appearing, this section caused a lot of feedback. People began to write about how different stories help them move forward.

Solved: I launch my project. I realized that in 20 years I will be very sorry if I do not start right now. Thanks you!

Hurrah! I feel happy. Today, for the first time in the last year, she took up her favorite hobby and found the motivation to go to the gym.

My friends never believed in me and did not strive for anything. But your article helped me look at everything from a different perspective and find a new environment.

Your articles gave me confidence in my own strength at the moment when I was ready to give up. But now I will continue.

I stopped being afraid of mistakes and failures in my business and finally understood the reasons for perfectionism. Thanks!

Today I became free because I found the strength to honestly admit that I did not like my job and I want to realize myself. This is my second birthday.

Unrealistic charge of motivation! I want to create! My inner strength was raging!

In the book you will find answers to many questions.

How to express the power that I have inside?

How to leave unloved work and realize yourself?

How to take the first step to a new life?

How to overcome fears and make a “leap of faith”?

How to combine work and favorite business?

How to find an environment that will support?

How to develop personal strength and get what you want from the universe?

How to forgive old grievances and "take a knife from the back"?

In addition, you will receive a personal formula of happiness from seven components.

The book includes sections "Purpose", "Motivation", "Movement", "Laws of life". Each of them consists of several small subsections. So you can safely start reading from any page.

The book was conceived as a universal gift to anyone who wants to improve their lives and become happier. I am almost sure that she will change the life of anyone who devotes at least an hour to her.

Get inspired.

Dream.

Change your life!

You will succeed.

Motivation

How to quit an unloved job, lose weight by 30 kilograms and find yourself

The first story about how to drop everything and turn life 180 degrees is mine. So, exactly three years ago, my life changed dramatically after one trip in the Moscow metro ...

But first, about who I was then. From the side everything was just fine: I graduated from the journalism department of Moscow State University, worked for many Moscow media, was a “glossy” interviewer, talked with all the stars - from Alla Pugacheva to Keanu Reeves. It seemed to me very cool. At the same time, I was conducting my television show, and my last place of work at that time was the TV project “Top Model in Russian”, which was hosted by Ksenia Sobchak. We went to the shooting in New York, London, Miami.

In general, everything was really cool. But inside me one sensation constantly tormented me: "This is not what I really want." It seemed to me that my real life had not yet begun. I was gaining weight, and on weekends staggered through the bars.

Last straw

In April 2012, I was traveling in the Moscow metro. I stood and held on to the handrail. Suddenly, a grandmother sitting in front stood up from her seat and said: “Sit down, girl. You need more. You are still waiting for the baby. "

Have you ever been replaced by a grandmother in the subway? Seriously?

I was ashamed. What could I tell her? “Excuse me, grandmother, this is not a kid, but 133 pizzas, 196 burgers and 838 sandwiches that I ate over the past few years?” I could not disappoint her, therefore, smiling ridiculously and holding my imaginary child, I sat down in her place. So I went to the end station: me and my baby fat.

This story turned my life upside down. I left everything and left for my hometown of Ufa. Here I found a truly favorite pastime, built, got rid of bad habits, changed my attitude to the world and now helping people take the first step towards a new life.

How to take the first step?

Most people start a change by asking, “How much can you endure this?” But the right question is: “What can I do today to change my life?”

Psychologists have a term: "one hour a day." It is believed that if a person devotes an hour to a day to some business, then sooner or later he will achieve, if not brilliant, then obvious success. Even with a complete lack of talent and conditions.

For example, Margaret Mitchell, author of Gone With the Wind, has been creating her masterpiece for ten years. She spent literally 20-30 minutes a day, writing down text on napkins and scraps of paper that ranged from a few paragraphs to one phrase. And so this masterpiece appeared. Abraham Lincoln studied law during night shifts when he was guarding a warehouse of goods.

I also decided to spend an hour finding myself: reading books, talking with people, walking and thinking. Six months later, I realized that I really like: to inspire people and read books. Then I started my VKontakte group and began to share my thoughts. I didn’t think whether it was possible to make money on it or not: I just did what I liked.

Now I know for sure that only things that you truly love can bring satisfaction and success. I am sure: each of us is a natural resource. And if you have been given a unique talent from birth to be, for example, a cool comedian, and you are sitting in the office over investment reports, then from the point of view of the world you are a poor natural resource.

Only when we do what our soul really lies to, does life begin to support us.

What to do with fear?

Everyone is scared to leave the comfort zone and abandon their "settled" places. But, as the American businessman George Edeyr perfectly said: "Everything you dream about is on the other side of your fear."

Larisa Parfentieva

100 ways to change your life. Part 2

Dedicated to my mother Flora, who always supports my crazy ideas (and sometimes acts as their instigator)

Introduction

At the same time, on these pages you will find many copyright developments (others would stretch each of them to a whole book) that you would not meet anywhere else.

And also: the fact that the book is in your hands is a sign.

Enjoy reading!

Larisa Parfentieva and

Motivation

Three important questions that help prioritize and better understand yourself

Question number 1

I recently spoke with my friend Ruslan Skorpov, and he told such a story about a question that made him think.

And if your life was a movie, how would you like to continue it?

Question number 2

Question number 3

Answer honestly, forgetting fears and self-doubt. Forget those who do not believe in you. And those who say that you need to be humble. And all the excuses in the world. What would you do?

How to make the impossible possible, or the Method of "temporary difficulties"

Recently I came across a video from the Novosibirsk TEDx conference. It was called “The Power of the Mind,” the speaker was Arkady Zucker, director of the Center for Strategic Consulting.

And he told a story that shocked me, and shared a method that helps make the impossible possible. It is called "living thinking," or the "method of temporary difficulties."

Arkady was born with severe cerebral palsy. Doctors claimed that all his life he would speak poorly, move poorly and would never be able to live like a “normal” person.

But my father intervened. He said: “A sick child cannot be born to me. It just can't. And since this is my child, he is healthy. And everything that happens to him is temporary difficulties. ”

And it is very important that before I learned to speak, I realized that I was healthy. The morning began with the fact that I woke up my grandmother and we did many hours of exercise, because all normal children - and I knew this - do exercises.

We are going to visit. Father says: "Today Arkasha is tying the shoelaces himself, with these hands." Everyone is waiting. After six hours, the shoes are tied, because all healthy children tie the shoes themselves. But the guests have already left, so we undress and go to bed.

One day, my father comes to kindergarten for me and says: "Today Arkady dresses himself." Late after midnight we leave the garden, but a miracle happened, and a single button on my pants fastened. In just nine hours.

The method of living thinking from Arkady Zucker

At school, they “experimented” on Arkady: they could hang him in the locker room by his jacket, and he hung for several hours. Or, for example, put in front of the entrance to the school and the whole class to wipe his feet on it. And this happened every day for several years. When his father found out about this, he said: “Normal people should fight back. Normal guys can fend for themselves. ” And then Arkady gave the offenders a change.

“Then there was an external study, the Pioneer headquarters, a philatelist club and ... repeated paralysis. Doctors said: "It is unlikely to speak, it is unlikely to go." But I knew that these were just “temporary difficulties,” ”says Arkady.

At 17, he created his own company, hired his own teachers there. And now - after more than 20 years - he is the director of the Center for Strategic Consulting.

His father, not knowing it himself, presented him with a method that he calls “Living Thinking, or the Method of Temporary Difficulties”. And it consists of three parts.

1. Cancel the impossible. Find an obstacle or problem that is interfering with your bright future. The category of thinking that "closes" your future (for Arcadia it was a category of disability). Now recognize it as invalid. Cancel it. Feel what Mohammed Ali said: “The impossible is not a fact. This is just an opinion. ”

2. Discover the future. Find what opens your future. For Arcadia, this was the category of a healthy person. Believe that the opening category is your future.

3. Change the viewpoint. And most importantly: learn to treat what is happening to you as temporary difficulties on the way to the realization of an opening category.

Maybe everyone!

In recent years, I have heard hundreds of stories. Maybe thousands. And many of them argued that the impossible is possible. Each in its own way. These were the stories of different people: readers of the book “100 Ways to Change Life,” random acquaintances, and entrepreneurs from whom I interviewed.

And they all knew that the impossible was "this is not a fact, this is an opinion."

My friend Marcel defeated cancer in the fourth stage. The acquaintance of Sveta quit her unloved job and opened a creative studio. Gennady conquered Everest. Ruslan left the post of top manager and wrote a book for children. Alexander was about to start dancing for 20 years, but thought it was "too late", and finally at 52 he signed up for the Argentinean tango and took part in the milonga.

The co-owner of a large restaurant holding company Alexey Vasilchuk admitted in an interview that he had heard the phrase “this is impossible” about five hundred times. And each time he and his team proved the opposite. The last time they were told “this is impossible” when they decided to build a skating rink on the 86th floor. The skating rink works great.

The director of SPLAT, Yevgeny Dyomin, has been hearing for 16 years that it is impossible for a Russian company to compete with large brands in the international market. SPLAT now exports its products to 56 countries.

... In 2014, when I just created the VKontakte group and started writing there, I was told that it was “impossible” to stand out, shoot, become a writer. But not so long ago, my book was published at Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, we are selling the second edition. And recently, “100 Ways ...” began to be sold in Bulgarian. So now I can safely be called an international author.

Well, “experts” shouting “this is impossible”? Where are you now?

... At the end of the speech, Arkady said that it was the most difficult for him all this time.

When I already had a company, I was in the fourth year of university, I continued to walk with a wand. And I realized that I can already walk without her. One fine day, I left a stick at home and went on a minibus. What did I see? They pushed me, I could not enter either the first minibus or the second, fell into a puddle. What do you think I did?

He returned, cleaned himself and ... took a stick. And for several months, despising himself, he went with her. Do you know why? Because it is very convenient. When you walk with a wand, everyone is like: “Can I help you?” Do you have to bear it? ” So cool, you feel so good.

And I was angry with myself because I liked walking with a stick so much and it seemed that I would never drop it.

But one day I still left her. And that was the hardest thing in life.

This turned out to be the answer to the question why some people think something is impossible, while others do not. The whole answer is in a stick.

Therefore, it is very important to throw a stick when you think you can throw it. And even when you know you cannot leave her.

They say reality is stronger than faith. This is not true.

I saw how people "ruled" reality dozens of times.

I saw the world change its rules.

So the impossible is not for life.

The impossible is just temporary difficulties.

Why say thanks to laziness, or Why does Bill Gates recruit the lazy

“If laziness comes into fashion, then I will be the most stylish and cool guy,” a friend told me recently. And I will explain to you that in fact laziness is the queen of productivity. This is our assistant, which shows where to move.

Laziness as a protective reaction of the body

Every day I hear the popular idea that people are lazy. And I do not agree with her. If a person has a goal that ignites him, or a favorite thing, there is no trace of laziness. There is one definition that I really like: "Laziness is a defensive reaction of the body against inappropriate actions."

This idea is very easy to verify.

Imagine that you are madly in love and the object of your passion invites you to a date. But for this you need to go to the other end of the city late in the evening. Most likely, you will rush there at a breakneck speed and nothing will stop you.

And now a different situation. A colleague calls you and asks you to take some documents late at night to the other end of the city. How do you react? Most likely, you can hardly slip off the couch and reluctantly go.

One and the same action. But why?" totally different.

People are not lazy, they are just wrongly motivated. There is only one way out: “twist” motivation until the light bulb “Yes, I want to do this!” Lights up. As soon as it lights up - you groped your way.

About laziness and self-motivation

Somehow I met with one famous entrepreneur, and we talked about laziness and self-motivation. He asked:

“What do you like to do most?”

- Most of all I like to know the world and share it with people.

“Do you need to persuade yourself to do this every day, even on weekends?” Do you have to force yourself to wake up in the morning and "go to work"?

- Of course not!

- This is called "to be in place." When a person is in his place, he does not need additional motivation to move forward and constantly grow. My work is exactly the same: I am included in the business around the clock, and this is natural for me.

And here I agree with him: when you find "the same thing", you do not need to motivate yourself. Here, as in Waldorf pedagogy - "just do not bother me grow." Vadim Zeland perfectly spoke about this in the book “Transerfing of reality”:

I suggest that you remember well the simple and reliable algorithm for determining the emotional “no”: if you have to convince yourself and persuade you to say “yes”, then the soul says “no”. Remember, when your soul says yes, you don’t need to persuade yourself.

Laziness as an engine of progress

“I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because he will find an easy way to do it,” said Bill Gates. Wise, right?

One acquaintance of mine, now a famous television producer, told such a story. When he came to get a job on television, the channel’s CEO asked him: “What is your biggest flaw?” He replied: "I am very lazy."

The director jumped up on the couch and said: “This is great! My personal opinion: only a lazy person can become a good producer, because he best motivates other people to work. "

There is nothing unequivocally bad and unequivocally good in the world. Everything has a downside. Laziness also has its advantages, which can be used. Although abuse it is still not worth it.

Exercise anti-seal

Someone subtly remarked: "The most vigorous, tireless, energetic, in a person is laziness." I totally agree! And here is the story in the subject. One day, one of my teachers was asked:

- And how to deal with the fact that you do not want to do anything?

“Well ... That doesn't happen.” If you think that laziness has overcome you, try this. Get enough sleep and have breakfast as it should in the morning, and then start to be lazy. Lie down on the sofa and do nothing all day. Do not touch the phone and do not correspond in social networks - you said that you "do not want to do anything." You can’t turn on the TV either - you're too lazy. Do not do anything. Just lie down and look at the ceiling.

How long will you last? Maximum one hour, two. And then he will definitely pull on the computer, read a book, check social networks and so on. And you will see that for some action you have energy. It remains only to direct her into a peaceful direction.

Why sometimes success is a tragedy, or How to lose everything and become happy

I recently met a happy man. His name is Cyril and he is 48 years old. Five years ago, I interviewed him. Then he was the director of a large car dealer company, weighed 120 kilograms, wore a stern mustache, constantly sighed, smoked, disappeared at work and was rather nervous. And this is what he said.

Three years ago, the company began to crack at the seams. We dropped in the ranking of leading car dealers immediately by 35 points. By that time I was doing everything to save the company and reanimate it. And finally, the worst thing happened: one day everything collapsed completely. What happened was what I was most afraid of. I felt completely overwhelmed. But I did not know that the golden time had begun.

I constantly thought about how to increase sales, how to motivate employees, how to be the best leader. All the time I was afraid to make a mistake. When the company was gone, such a burden of responsibility and neurosis fell off me that crushed me for 15 years.

I opened a couple of small car services, went in for sports, began to spend time with my family and wife. I also became calm and even shaved off my mustache. It seemed to me that with them I look more presentable.

He also says that now he fully felt the phrase from the novel “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk: “Only after losing everything to the end, you gain freedom.”

Success as a tragedy

Recently I came across such a concept as the "tragedy of early success." For example, there is some kind of boy band, in other words, a “boy band” that is quickly becoming popular. Children are 20 years old, and they sing pop songs for 15-year-old girls, rhyming "fog-deception" and "hear-breathe." Money is flowing, guys are growing. Here they are already 30 - and it seems too late. And then 40, and they all jump and sing, because they don’t know how to do anything / do not want / do not see the point. The tragedy of early success. This also includes actors of the same role, who become popular in childhood and are held hostage by the role.

“Success” becomes a tragedy even when people “stick to” external attributes: they are afraid of losing their status, position, material wealth and other alluvial things. They are afraid that they will not look so cool if they change to a lower class car. They are afraid that they will no longer receive VIP invitations to open a new restaurant. They are afraid that their wife will have nothing to brag about to her friends.

When I was twenty, I dreamed of becoming a TV or radio star. I wanted to sit at the DJ console and say: “Hey guys! Good evening to all, we’ll listen to the fun song from Black Eyed Peas. We catch vigor before the weekend. The evening will be hot. ” Now I thank God that this did not happen. If then my "dreams" came true, I would hardly have found my way so quickly now.

Steve Jobs and his "loss"

Perhaps everyone already knows this story: when Steve Jobs was 20 years old, he, along with Steve Wozniak, began creating Apple in his parents' garage. After 10 years, Apple of both of them and the garage grew into a two billionth giant with four thousand employees. In the year Macintosh launched, Jobs turned 30 ... But then the board of directors fired him from the company he founded. And this is how Steve describes what happened next.

So in thirty years I was thrown out of Apple. And thrown out in a very public way. What has been the point of my entire adult life has disappeared. And that was the worst of all. For several months I really had no idea what to do next. I had the feeling that I had betrayed a whole previous generation of entrepreneurs engaged in this business; that I dropped the baton passed to me.

I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and apologized to them for failing. She attracted extremely close public attention, and at some point I even thought about running away from Silicon Valley. But then a certain inspiration came over me: I still love what I do! At Apple, nothing has changed one iota. I was still rejected. But I loved my job. And I decided to start all over again. I did not understand then that the dismissal from Apple was the best that could happen to me then. The heavy burden of success has been replaced by the ease of re-finding the status of a beginner when you are less confident in anything. It gave me a sense of freedom in order to enter the most creative period of my life. Over the next five years, I created a company called NeXT and another company, Pixar, and also fell in love with an amazing woman who later became my wife. At the Pixar studio, a film with computer animation "Toy Story" was created.

Now it is the most successful computer animation studio in the world. In a wonderful interweaving of events, Apple acquired NeXT, and I returned to my very first brainchild. The technology we developed at NeXT is now at the heart of Apple’s revival process. And Lorin and I have a wonderful family. I am absolutely convinced that none of this would have happened if I had not been fired from Apple. This bitter medicine was necessary for the patient.

Do not lose faith when fate hits you on the head with a brick! I am sure: the only thing that kept me afloat was the love of what I was doing. Therefore, you definitely need to find what you love. This applies equally to your work, and to your other halves.

When I read this piece, I feel freedom. And you? By the way, just recently, one of my acquaintances, who was the editor-in-chief of a popular publication (it is such a position that is called “job of a dream” in gloss), was also dismissed. She had to work the law for two weeks, but when they expired and she went out with a small box of her belongings on the porch, her first phrase was: “Lord, what a relief!” What is going to happen if they are kicked out of work? This is just a job. Your leadership qualities, your mind, your skills are not taken away from you. You can safely apply them in any other place. (And, most likely, such an experience will be very useful for you.) And the fear in this case is just a panic of the brain, which understands that it will have to leave the comfort zone. In the first post of the series “100 Ways ...” I talked about how my biggest fear came true: “When I left Moscow and quit television, the biggest fear was the same as many: I was afraid that I had run out of money. And you know, it happened. But nothing bad happened: no one died, fell ill with consumption, and did not commit suicide. It was a great and fun time. I learned to love ordinary walks, learned dozens of other ways to combine wardrobe, learned how to change my heels on my shoes and began to carefully store packages in bags. ”

Bottom as a solid foundation

When you lose everything, you become almost invulnerable, because it frees you from fear. And on this foundation you can build your real life. Joan Rowling - author of "Harry Potter" - at 28 years old, remained a single mother. She had nothing but three chapters of a novel about a wizard boy (which no one believed in), an old typewriter, and a small social allowance. Joan later said that at that time she felt like "the biggest loser in the world." But it was precisely this “bottom” that became for her the main gift of heaven: “Failure meant getting rid of everything that was not essential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was some other than in reality, and began to direct all my energy to complete the only work that meant something to me. If I really succeeded in anything else, I would never be able to find the determination to succeed in what was truly mine. I freed myself because my greatest fear came true and I was still alive, I still had a daughter whom I adored, I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so the stone bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. "

We are constantly afraid that the Universe will take away some empty “shine” from us, such as status, position, cool car, delete us from the super-ratings “The Most Influential People of Mytishchi” and leave us with nothing. But life shows that one should not be afraid of it - one should be glad of it. After all, in the vacated place you can build your new life. As they say in one wise aphorism: "Are you afraid of losing something - lose and do not be afraid."

How to change everything if you are no longer 20?

It’s easy to change your life when you are 20 years old: you can drop everything, break into another city, make new friends, have a hair cut, get a tattoo, then reduce it, manage to live without money and be happy. And everything that at 20 seems so bold, light and simple, already at 30 scares to horror. How to change everything if you are no longer 20? Recently, my friend Ksenia, at 34, suddenly quit a large company, where she was a commercial director, and ... became a flight attendant. Just like that - went and started flying. Of course, at first they did not understand her: “How can one exchange a prestigious job in a stable company, a good social package and complete financial security for work in the sky during a crisis?” Ksenia did not listen to anyone and was quite happy. A person has had a dream all his life, you see: sky, plane, girl. “My parents lost their jobs during perestroika, and this was a big blow for them. All my conscious life they said: "The main thing is stability." I am very amused by the word “stability”. When we choose “stability,” it almost always means “swamp,” ”says Ksyusha. Of course, there was the last straw that started the process of making dreams come true: Ksyushina’s sister was diagnosed with cancer at the last stage. “I was suddenly covered: but we, it turns out, are not immortal. Here is a discovery! While I was striving to maintain imaginary “stability”, real life passed by, ”said Ksyusha. And flew. Recently I saw an excellent quote from Jim Ron: "We change ourselves mainly for one of two reasons - inspiration or despair." As a rule, inspiration pounds in our hearts so quietly and unobtrusively that it drowns out the voice of money, stability and other things that come up with "adults". Inspiration accumulates in the outskirts of the soul until despair arrives, which helps to understand: “But we really are mortal. This is bad luck. ” And only here the changes begin.

And if over 40?

Aristarchus, under the age of 40, had an excellent job in Moscow, but he was tired. In general, the work suited him, but he wanted to give up everything, change his occupation and move to another country. And here is what he told me during our conversation: “You know, changing life at 30, 40 or even 50 is not at all scary. Only one thing is really scary at this age: not knowing what you want. I am sure: a person must find out what is important for him, why he came to the world. And achieve this. Many of my peers admit that they have chosen the wrong path, but are afraid to change something. “Adults” are very afraid to take risks. But do you know who risks the most? One who does nothing. “Security is far more dangerous than risk.”

I will repeat this phrase of Aristarchus once again. We all need to remember her well.

Safety is more dangerous than risk.

And if over 60?

Barbara Cher, in her book Better Late Than Never, tells such a story.

A gray-haired woman came up to me at a bookstore in Wyoming and said: “What a pity that I did not hear you many years ago. There were things that I would like to do, but nothing worked. And now it's too late. ” I asked: "Are you sick?" “No, no, but I'm already sixty-three, I really waited too long.” “You know,” I said, “you can live up to eighty or ninety.” And you will feel like a complete fool when you realize that you considered yourself old at sixty-three! You definitely won’t like this feeling. Better start acting now. ” Her problem is that, like you and me, she was prematurely hurt by her own birthdays. As long as we grow wiser enough to understand how young we were at forty, fifty or sixty, seventy, eighty or ninety will be knocked!

You can not write off yourself ahead of time.

And if over 70?

And finally, one of my favorite stories from the project of Vladimir Yakovlev, "Age of Happiness." Meet Lynn Ruth Miller. She is 80 years old.

At 70, she first appeared on stage and began a career in show business as a stand-up comedian. When Lynn enters the stage, she says: “The organizers of the show said that I have only nine minutes. They probably think I won’t last longer. ” Spectators start laughing and do not stop. At first, Lynn simply told funny stories from the Internet, and then began to compose jokes on her own. Lynn admits that she lost a lot of time due to stupid fears of looking strange in the eyes of others. But she was able to overcome her fear: “Now I’m not afraid to be myself, and I can appreciate those around me as they are. When I was young, other people's opinions meant a lot to me. I did not understand how wonderful it is to be imperfect. But now I understand that. ” Dreams are needed in order to realize them, right? This is our holy duty to the world. Nobody says that everything will end well. Perhaps Ksyusha flies in and sits in the chair of the commercial director again. Perhaps Aristarchus will return to Moscow traffic jams. But both will already be different people, right? People who have made room for a new dream.

Become “deaf-deaf”, rearrange furniture, learn to dance, and eight more ways to change lives from readers

After the release of the first part of the book, I asked you, my readers, to write my thoughts on the topic “The best way to change life is ...”. And you did it by using the hashtag in your posts. We have selected the best of your posts.

1. The best way to change your life is to start doing what you have long dreamed of ... It's a shame to say, but a little more than six months ago, I aloud for the first time admitted that I wanted to learn how to dance, and before that about 20 years I had been dreaming about it quietly. Now much is said about the need to take oneself out of the comfort zone. And you try to come to the first lesson of the Argentine tango, when you never danced, did not have a musical education - this is also a step, in my opinion.

And the first demonstration performance at the milonga two months after the start of classes from scratch, and the first participation in the regional competition at the Sports Palace a week later! There seemed to be no end to stress! What can I say: even now, not everything is working out, but I already try to spend almost all the time in the hall, as if making up for more than 20 years.

2. The best way to change lives is to forgive. Forgive the father, for whom the bottle was more important than the family. Forgive the children who did not want to be friends with you, because you are fat. Forgive parents for not letting them enter the desired profession. Forgive the guy that you did not love and did not respect you. Forgive a friend who exchanged friendship for a relationship. Forgive yourself for not being able to go to the gym or at least start eating right. Forgive yourself and love. This is the only way to qualitatively change your life.

Lia_xanda ©

3. The best way to change life is to realize the psychology of the victim in itself. I remember the moment when I realized that I was driven by the psychology of the victim - it became disgusting and embarrassing. For example, I gave my time and money to people who pressed on pity. What really moved me? No, not a desire to help. The desire to pass for “good” and the hope that later they will help me.

With my self-awareness of the psychology of the victim, a new stage began. Nobody owes you anything. You do not owe anything to anyone. You are not to blame for anything, especially the "troubles" of other people. Help yourself to begin with yourself - be aware of your thoughts, patterns of behavior, your beliefs, your psychological problems. It all starts with thoughts. And it's time to put things in order by throwing out one of the most important destroyers - self-pity.

4. The best way to change your life is to allow yourself to do what you really want. I was very moved by the story of Larisa Parfentieva, because to some extent she echoes mine. I write from early childhood. But for many, many years I refused to notice it. Writing is not considered an occupation that can earn a living. I just could not believe that you can write and get paid for it. Nevertheless, a year ago I left a job that was destroying me. Now I am writing articles for online publications and composing my very first book. I can’t say that everything is easy. The romance of creative work is often exaggerated, and its complexity remains behind the scenes. “Finding oneself” does not mean forever getting rid of the problems and difficulties of choice. “Find yourself” is to go the road with which you do not want to turn off no matter what.

5. The best way to change lives is to rearrange the furniture. Not just swap wardrobes and couches, but create a new inspiring space. To begin with, go into your house and look at it through the eyes of a stranger. Pay attention to details and try to describe what kind of person lives here. Why does he surround himself with these very things, this furniture? What is he interested in? What things do you use more often? What is your passion? It’s best to record your observations.

And then evaluate: how much is this about me? Do I want to be like that? To live such a life? Among these things? And which ones? What I want to remove, add? What to swap? What to throw away? What's new to bring to your home and your life? It is worth paying attention - and the answers will come by themselves.

6. And my best way to change my life is to value my time! I do not spend it on idle talk on the phone and discussion of other people's problems. I do not watch TV, any news, even VKontakte, I do not watch the news feed NEVER, but go to the pages of those people whose personalities interest me and from whom I can learn something new. I only communicate with people who are pleasant to me and make friends with those who share my views and with whom we have common interests.

7. The best way to change your life is to break the relationship that pulls you down. No matter how many books I read, no matter how many practices I try, they all did not work next to a reactive husband.

8. The best way to change your life is to become deaf-mute at the very first stages of change. Whatever you start to do the first time, by all means you will be attacked by “specialists” who know in advance that you are “blown away” and you won’t succeed, because they have already tried and failed.

You need to be “deaf” to prevent all these stories from paralyzing your will. One must be “dumb” so as not to answer every “expert” and not waste his energy. And, yes, one must be “blind” in order to prevent a depressing picture of reality from quenching your enthusiasm before you create your new reality.

Notes

Published in Russian: M .: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.

TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is an American private non-profit foundation that holds the same conference in California. TEDx is a fund project that allows holding similar independent conferences in different cities and countries. Note ed.

Zeland v. Transerfing reality. Steps I – IV. SPb .: IG "All", 2012.

Cit. by: Shlender B., Tetzeli R. Becoming Steve Jobs. The path from reckless upstart to a visionary leader. M .: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2015.

Cit. by: Benoit S. Joanne Rowling. All about Harry Potter, life and love. M .: Algorithm, 2017.

Jim Rohn (1930–2009) - American speaker, business coach, author of many books on personal development. Note ed.

Published in Russian: Sher b. Better late than never. How to start a new life at any age. M .: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016.

Question number 1

Question number 2

Question number 3

The method of living thinking from Arkady Zucker

Laziness as a protective reaction of the body

About laziness and self-motivation

Laziness as an engine of progress

Exercise anti-seal

Success as a tragedy

Steve Jobs and his "loss"

Bottom as a solid foundation

How to change everything if you are no longer 20?

And if over 40?

And if over 60?

And if over 70?

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