Why a man can scream for no reason. Why is the husband shouting at his wife psychology. The habit of yelling from childhood

We have been dating for a year and two months. Recently, relations have become unbearable. a little that he immediately freaks out screaming. in every quarrel I remain guilty. every time I take the first steps towards reconciliation. I see that he is not indifferent to me, then tries to apologize to him that he did not want to break down, he does a lot for me. this is my first long-term relationship! I love him, but sometimes I want to take everything and send to hell! but then I understand that I can’t live without it! in general it’s hard, but without it it’s even harder. I do not know what to do! all his life to endure his screams, but to stay with his beloved ... or to gather strength and give up all this until it went too far.

Psychologists Answers

Hello, Katya. Of course, it is up to you to decide to "endure - or leave" alone; this is your life, your decision and your responsibility for the decision made. Of course, your boyfriend needs to work with a psychologist. Even in a brief description of the situation, I see a manifestation of a cycle of violence, in your case emotional. This cycle consists in constant repetition, as if walking in a vicious circle. You have it this way: the guy shouted, insulted, then apologizes, becomes “good” for some time, tries to make amends, after some time the tension in the relationship increases and again you are blamed and insulted for the most insignificant reason, again justifying yourself by that it is "you yourself are to blame for everything!" Such a vicious circle is also characterized by the fact that periods of silence and good relations become shorter and shorter with time. So, apparently, it happened to you during the time that you are together. Obviously, this behavior was characteristic of him before, at the beginning of the relationship, but it was rarely seen. Over time, the periods of fluctuations from love to aggression became very short and you felt that "the relationship has become unbearable."

Now about you. As I already said, it is up to you to decide what to do. Until that moment, when you make a decision, you can try this method of communication: you react only to those words that the guy says in a calm or gentle tone. You do not seem to hear the rest. I will briefly explain that this is done so as not to reinforce unwanted behavior. Moreover, one needs to pay attention to the fact that negative reinforcement is also reinforcement. That is, shouting, or cursing, or showing offense - this also means reinforcing unwanted behavior. Thus, the only true action in this case is “not to see,” “not to hear,” “not to notice.” If this rule is strictly observed, unwanted behavior will fade over time, remaining without reinforcement.

Patience to you!

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Hello.

For some reason, you choose these relationships, and you simply cannot leave them, because it is a co-dependent relationship. Dependence on another person has deep roots, and this is not something that you can take and break, or you can break, and then suffer.

Obviously, you somehow provoke your partner to such an appeal, you just don’t realize this, but the fact that he treats you like this says that you made some efforts to this, even if you didn’t notice it.

So that this does not happen to you in these relationships and / or in the following, you need to deal with your internal reasons for building this kind of relationship and dependence on men. As it does not sound unpleasant, but any victim holds on to his teran, otherwise there is no point in the relationship. When you get rid of your inner sacrifice, perhaps you can build real partnerships. this is described in more detail in mine.

To change you need to work with a psychologist, because you and only you choose this kind of relationship.

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What if a man screams?

Shouting, quarreling, pretending to be angry is a common thing for a man in a dispute with an opponent. Often men transfer this behavior to women.

This is done in order to impose the obstinate, who dared to argue with a man, his point of view, to make her lose her psychological balance and give way to the dispute, or requirements. Faced with such behavior on the part of men, women are frightened and cannot resist them. It happens that men bring women to tears. If they succeed, then men will certainly emphasize that in a critical situation a woman is capable of nothing but crying.

A screaming man, constantly striving to bring a woman to tears, is unpleasant even at home. And at work, she is completely capable of becoming a real punishment for a woman. If a colleague or boss constantly yells at a woman in a team, then the need to attend work every day becomes a difficult cross for a woman. She is stressed every morning, getting ready for work. She is in tension all day, unconsciously expecting that she can be yelled at at any time.

But one should not be afraid of a screaming and scandalous man. He needs to learn to fight back. Doing this for the first time is especially scary. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together.

In order to have the strength to resist a screaming and scandalous colleague or boss, you need to know something about men.

A man can be really angry. But much more often - he just pretends to be angry and annoyed. This is a kind of tactic to intimidate an opponent. Men tend to bully each other. Therefore, they seek to bully women, especially if she acts as a colleague or subordinate. In such an unpleasant way, a man shows a woman his superiority.

The more it becomes noticeable that a woman is frightened, the more often a colleague or boss will apply this tactic to her. After all, intimidation is much easier than convincing. And men are used to choosing simpler and more effective solutions, as well as ways to achieve the goal.

A man who raises his voice at a woman at work should be stopped. If he screams on the phone, then you can hang up. Then re-dial it, pretending to be disconnected. This technique makes it possible for a man to either understand that it is impossible to influence a given woman with a cry, or provides time to calm down.

If the boss yells at the meeting, then you can start talking to him in a whisper. When one person goes into a whisper, the other instinctively begins to listen and lower his voice.

If these techniques did not help, you can ask the man in a calm voice: “Why are you yelling at me?” This question usually causes the screamer to be confused, and he stops.

If this does not help, then, for example, a male chef can say: “I am not only your colleague and subordinate, but also a woman. Therefore, I demand respect for myself. ” Hearing this, a man falls into confusion. But even if he continues to yell further, the next time he will certainly beware of using the scare technique to scare the woman.

Family quarrels and constant conflicts with the husband: how to behave to the wife if the husband constantly screams?

When adults marry, they must understand that disputes and quarrels can arise in family life. Without them, the development of the pair is, in principle, unlikely. Different upbringing, different social status, habits formed in childhood and adolescence, an approach to raising children, moral values \u200b\u200band outlooks on life can become the reasons for serious quarrels and conflicts.

The beginning of quarrels and screams of the husband

Suddenly arising strong feelings can connect completely different people. But, after some time, “this one, then the other” begins to interfere in the process of cohabitation. Life situations arise in which the husband and wife are used to behaving differently. If in your family conflicts sometimes occur, but you and your spouse hear each other, you always find a solution that suits both parties, without going to insults, you should not worry - in a dispute (and quarrel) you have every chance to find the truth. The ability to find a compromise helps to maintain a healthy environment and a favorable atmosphere in the family.

But rather, are you ready to put up with this model of relationships. Do you want to save a family? If so, how do you resist screaming and scandals? You may find our tips and tricks helpful.

Why is the husband yelling at his wife? Looking for reasons

If the husband’s behavior has changed a lot, he cannot restrain himself in a conflict situation, constantly screams, breaks down for any reason, try to understand why the quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction followed. In no case do not blame yourself, it is important to simply find the "grain" from which the quarrel grew.

The reasons for the screams of the husband can be:

• problems at work;
• alcohol, drugs, gambling;
• psychological stress;
• fading of feelings;
• low self-esteem;
• age-related irritability;
• hereditary scenario.

If your loving and caring spouse suddenly began to break into a cry, it is quite possible that something is bothering him greatly. He may have problems at work or financial difficulties that he cannot tell you about. Causes of aggressive behavior may be the use of alcohol or drugs. Gamers, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they can’t get what they need) behave inappropriately, too aggressively, splashing out guilt and dissatisfaction with the closest people. If you are sure that all of the above reasons are not related to your situation with your husband, then most likely the roots of your current problem are in the past.

If your husband grew up in a family where the cry was in the order of things, where the father and mother only solved family conflicts and disputes in this way, he does not even imagine another scenario. Most often, a man repeats the model of his father’s behavior unconsciously, even if in childhood he himself suffered from such a relationship and promised himself never to behave this way with his family in the future.

Read on How life scenarios from childhood affect adult relationships?

The husband constantly shouts: what to do?

If you got inside this “mess”, and even firmly mired in a model of relationships, where you are a woman who constantly suffers from the cries of her husband, getting out and fundamentally changing the situation will not be easy. Any deviation from your humble behavior will be perceived as a rebellion and will cause even greater dissatisfaction with your spouse. So that her husband’s regular cries do not lead to more dire consequences, start acting gradually. Below you will find some recommendations. Their basis is constructive work on yourself and your emotions, since you will hardly be able to “remake” your husband, your main key is your personal behavior.

So, to pacify a screaming husband, try:

• do not initiate conflicts;
• do not focus your husband’s attention on household details and don’t “cut” if he (in your opinion) earns little or does not pay enough attention to you;
• do not raise your voice or develop conflict (hold back, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your “excuses”);
• to listen to the claims calmly and restrainedly (it is not necessary to immediately rush to carry out everything according to the points, but this situation cannot be ignored);
• solve problems in a calm conversation (after my husband calms down, try again to say all the accumulated claims. Introductory constructions, such as “I correctly understood that ...?”, “You said that ...”, etc., that help carefully continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn what was said into a claim);
• do not load your husband with household chores if he is the only breadwinner and earner and really gets tired at work (you don’t need to create a scale of his tiredness, just decide once and for all - after work your husband wants to rest at least a little. There is no point in requiring him to take out the garbage immediately, “Since he’s not yet taken off his shoes” or “to quickly wash the dishes” - this will only glow the emotional background);
• at home, a tired spouse should wait for a clean and tasty dinner (ruin and hunger obviously will not make him calm and satisfied);
• praise him, say that you love and hug more often (maybe he lacks your attention or in the bustle he “dropped out” of family life. Be the initiator of a warm relationship, and do not wait for the first steps on his part - you have a family and not a competition by conquering each other);
• analyze every situation, conversation, act that led to scandal and quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
• realize that such relationships are not normal and try to change them for the better or break them off;
• turn to a specialist (a psychological approach can greatly simplify work on relationships, but, unfortunately, to understand what to do alone is often difficult. Try to consult a psychologist, perhaps the problem is not only that the husband constantly screams, and lurks much deeper).

This means that you are a victim in these circumstances. Whatever you do, a spouse who repeats a negative model of father’s behavior in such circumstances will always have good arguments to bring you to tears and make you guilty.

How to respond to the screams of her husband

If all your efforts do not lead to positive results, if your constant quarrels and conflicts have made you feel worse, if you have children who have to constantly watch the clarification of relationships with elevated tones between parents, you should think about how to end this relationship. Everything is simple here: if you feel bad and you are sure that nothing can be fixed, why put up with it and wait for something?

Tears, persuasion and even threats will not help. People do not change if they themselves do not want to.

To save a family where the husband screams, and the wife suffers, often only an experienced specialist can. Relationships can take years. Remaining in such relationships because of financial dependence or for any other reasons, women are silently affected in such marriages. They do not talk about their problems at work or to friends. Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women who are constantly shouting at her husband, insulting and humiliating, decide to break up the marriage.

Sometimes this decision is made by women who have been married for 10 years or more. The main motive may be their depressed state and lack of mental strength and physical health to continue attempts to save the marriage.

Read on the topic 10 dangerous and wrong relationships, from which you must urgently get out

However, do not miss the opportunity that your screaming husband himself needs support, his screams and breakdowns cause you problems. The best solution here is to find a good psychologist to analyze not the family, but the personal problems of the spouse. It is possible that he is in great stress due to circumstances that do not concern you.

If it is difficult for you to decide to break off relations with your husband, who constantly torments you with screams and scandals, for your own sake, think about your children, about their own future. They are doomed to inherit your pattern of behavior and to suffer the same in family relationships. Therefore, if your husband constantly yells at you, and all your attempts to "calm" him are futile, understand that he will not change, and then you have to choose: endure and suffer, or leave and stop suffering once and for all.

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What to do if the husband is constantly yelling?

In a happy marriage there is no place for screaming at all - isn’t that so? But why, then, do some husbands raise their voices on their wives, and what should a woman living with a noisy spouse do?

What to do if the husband yells (and does it often) - tells the non-banal female site sympaty.net.

The husband constantly raises his voice: how to deal with this?

For a person of any gender, a scream is a distress signal: if a person screams, it means that he is very bad, painful or scared, that means he has exhausted all the constructive ways of communication and solving a problem. We start screaming if they don’t hear us at all, and the problem is acute and urgent. We give vent to our emotions with the help of a scream, if there are a lot of these emotions that have accumulated - if we were not allowed (or we ourselves did not allow) to "let off steam" slowly, relax and switch.

Any psychologist will confirm that for an adequate, mentally healthy person who is not in extreme conditions, a cry is justified only in the most extreme cases.

And therefore, “Beautiful and Successful” advises to realize that if the husband is constantly yelling and dissatisfied with everything, he has a mental problem. The wife should not think on which dish to present halva and marzipan to her padishah so that he would not be angry. She should think about how to arrange a meeting between her husband and a psychologist, psychotherapist, and maybe a psychiatrist. And think about whether she is able, in principle, to live with a person who has such a psyche?

The fact is that if a husband is constantly yelling, it is naive to think that he is yelling now, and then a magician will fly in a blue helicopter, and from a psychopath who does not control himself, this man will turn into an adequate person who solves all problems through ordinary conversations without raising vote. Will not turn. Or it will turn out for a short time - for example, if you categorically threaten him with a divorce.

Such husbands absolutely do not respect the feelings of their wives, while they are nearby, while they behave like helpless victims, dutifully accepting any cries and discontent at their own expense. But if his wife decides what is enough for her, to pack her bags and leave for her mother, then yesterday the disgruntled aggressor will come to beg forgiveness, swear and swear that he understood everything and will no longer ... If you forgive him and return - for some time he will restrain himself, but everything will return to normal, as soon as he senses that the woman has become attached to him enough and is ready to put up with her again.

And yes, you should not take it as a significant argument that once, at the beginning of your relationship, this man was not like that, didn’t shout, seemed completely balanced. The fact is that after all, a strong love for a while has a beneficial effect on people with mental disorders - they can keep themselves in their hands and seem completely normal. But the farther, the less “light gaps” will happen - so think ten times whether you really want to spend life with this person.

How to behave if the spouse yells at you?

We’ll talk about how to solve the problem “the husband is yelling at me” at the very moment when he is yelling. How to behave?

You have every right to behave in such a way as to protect yourself to the maximum - emotionally, psychologically and physically. Leaving without listening to the OP is normal! It is up to you to decide how far and how long to go — ten minutes to another room, or walk an hour on the street, or spend the night with relatives or friends. Your task is to protect your psyche, and not to calm down the male tantrum.

Yes, he will be offended. Perhaps he will consider you a bad and inattentive wife. But understand that a good wife for a constantly screaming husband is an unrequited sacrifice. Better be a bad wife, but not a victim!

“Mirror” and yell in response to your spouse is not worth it - you will not come to consensus, there will be no peace in the relationship, you just exhaust your nerves once again.

But what about thinking about why a husband yells at his wife - maybe you really are doing something wrong, maybe he has objective reasons to be unhappy? But in fact, an overly strong reflection on this topic will not bring any benefit either. If only because if this is not an isolated case in your relationship, but regular practice, it means that you are so “bad” that you basically cannot (and should not!) Rebuild to all the requirements of this man and please him in everything. The rule "start with oneself" will not bring good results when in front of you is an aggressive, unrestrained person who has completely different ideas about life than you do. To adapt to it - doesn’t this mean to lose oneself, to give up one’s personality and to devalue one’s personal ideas about “how good” and “how to”?

Still, start with your husband. Tell him very directly that you don’t want to listen to him when he raises his voice, but you are ready to talk about everything and discuss everything quietly and without screaming. Say that you deserve to not be screamed at you - not because you are some kind of arrogant princess, but because it is a natural human right not to be subjected to psychological violence and defend against it. Indicate your actions in case he continues to yell - you will leave, you will not listen, you want to leave. Yes, this is an ultimatum - but without ultimatums you cannot get out of the position of a defenseless victim!

If you are valuable to your husband and loved by him - he is obliged to review his behavior and stop yelling. But life shows that people who are rarely prone to screaming and aggression change seriously and for a long time - so we advise you to really seriously consider whether to keep this marriage ...

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The husband constantly insults, shouts and humiliates - what to do?

You are in a situation where your husband is constantly insulting you, yelling at you, humiliating you - and do not know what to do about it? The situation is really very difficult. It would seem that the person who should be closest to you, and causes you maximum pain and suffering. How to fix it?

After all, every woman wants to be behind her man, trust him, and be confident in him. And to know that a husband will not insult and humiliate - even if her wife was in some way wrong. This is a normal relationship, and relations with constant swearing and skirmishes are beyond, and require some kind of solution.

What is the reason that the husband is constantly insulting and humiliating?

Let’s figure out what caused this disastrous situation. First of all, you need to ask yourself a question: did these insults start unexpectedly and recently, or did it happen a long time ago, but you just didn’t notice it?

If humiliation and screaming began unexpectedly (although the probability is very small, almost zero) - then think about what happened in your life, what changes, that he began to behave like that with you? Was there any external reason that might not even be related to you? Maybe some kind of event, incident? This may give you a key to understanding the situation.

If you can’t remember, then we take the husband who has fallen off at the hands of the scruff of his neck and bring to an honest conversation - we ask openly, what is the reason for such a sharp change in behavior? Maybe he will even give you something intelligible.

But this is rather the exception. In fact, in 99% of cases when a husband starts screaming and insulting his wife, this does not happen at one time. This is preceded by a long “preparation” by both spouses.

Why did my husband start yelling at you?

What do I mean by “preparation”? Any relationship is a responsibility. And the responsibility of both one spouse and the other. This is an indisputable fact and will have to be accepted.

And now, since we accept it, let's figure it out, what is your responsibility in this situation? After all, it’s not you who insult and humiliate, but your husband yells at you! It seems like you are a victim of this situation, not an aggressor.

Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?

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That's right, only does this self-awareness help you as a victim? I'm afraid not. The situation at best remains the same - the husband continues his tricks, and you suffer, or it gets worse and worse every day (and maybe a divorce is just around the corner).

But, returning to your responsibility. One question that can help you become aware of the situation: why are you letting him scream at you and humiliate you? Yes, what right does he have to this, and why do you tolerate such his behavior?

Why do you tolerate this behavior?

You can only do what you are allowed to do. And your husband understands very clearly that if he screams at you, he will get away with it. Maybe you will be upset, maybe you will cry, or even arrange a tantrum, but then - everything will normalize again. You swallow the grievances, and continue to cook borscht, give him sex, and all that he needs. Everything is fine - the man behaved inappropriately, but you endured. Why are you doing it?

After all, this did not begin with floundering bay. Most likely, once upon a time, he raised his voice at you, or somehow humiliate him. Remember, have there been such situations in the past? And you endured then, said nothing. It is very important to recall such moments from the past.

And what happened next? The man very quickly realized that he could easily insult and humiliate you, and he would not meet with resistance. He caught the “algorithm” and decided that it was normal when he behaved like the last cattle. After all, nothing changes - he yelled at you, and you endured.

It is quite possible this was manifested in some little things, and not a big quarrel. You endured - he understood what is possible. Further on increasing. His behavior was getting worse and worse, and you continued to remain a meek sheep.

Or another option - you rolled tantrums to him, also shouted and cursed - but at the same time continued to do some standard actions for him - to cook, wash, and so on. And what is your cry for him? Well, screamed and calmed down?

You can not tolerate when a man insults and humiliates you

The first rule of a wife in marriage should be this: "in no case do not tolerate the misconduct and misconduct of the husband!". This is an iron rule, and you must abide by it strictly.

If the husband behaves improperly, even in small things, you should not allow this and tolerate it. Then he will know very clearly - when I behave correctly, I get bonuses, and when I behave like that badly - then I will not be very sweet.

Only in this case, a man learns to behave with dignity, and respect his wife.

And - do not tolerate, then do not tolerate. It means to arrange an atomic war, to make hell seem to him a cozy place, compared with the situation when he dared to behave unworthily with you. You simply have to arrange so that such situations are no longer repeated.

Remember the main thing - your behavior means a lot to a man, but if there is no harmony at the level of signs, then the relationship will be very tense. It is very advisable to find out the exact compatibility of your zodiac sign with the sign of a man. This can be done by clicking on the button just below:

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How to fix the situation when she went very far

What I described for women who are deeply mired in a destructive relationship - it will be very difficult to do. After all, certain relations have already been established, certain rules of the game have been established. Your husband regularly insults you, yells at you and humiliates you - you swallow everything. And if you behave differently than usual - it will amaze him.

Yes, it will not be easy, but how else? It’s best to make such a scandal in any case like this - and bring it to such an extent that he is kicked out of the house. Literally. So that my husband goes to spend the night somewhere else, and that he realizes that this will not work with you anymore.

If you do this, then there is a chance that he will be aware of something and will begin to improve. Just keep in mind that you can’t just take it back if you don’t do anything for an apology. Misconduct is redeemed by actions, not by assurance that he will no longer yell at you and humiliate you.

If a man wants - he will definitely do something for you, and will try to return your location. If not - and he’s not even trying, then why do you need such a husband?

conclusions

Understand a simple thing: the situation will not correct itself, it will not get better. You need to ask yourself the question: what can I do so that my husband does not insult me \u200b\u200bor humiliate me anymore? How can I behave so that this hell ceases?

If you ask yourself such questions, then you will be on the right path. After all, crying and suffering is possible, and sometimes it is really useful, but life is corrected only by concrete actions. By your actions.

Therefore, try to pull yourself together - and take action. Plan everything if you want - even write it down and think about how you will behave in the next inappropriate behavior of your husband. And act!

If you do not take action, everything will only get worse and worse. And time is not forever. And you will lose a lot of your life’s time for senseless suffering for the sake of a person who will only be what offends and humiliates you.

But if you realize your responsibility and start to do something in the direction of improvement, it is quite possible that the situation will change for the better, or be resolved.

If you want to be with your beloved man - you need to figure out if you are compatible with the zodiac sign?

Find out the exact compatibility with a man - by clicking on the button just below:

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Husband constantly screams for any reason - Psychology - Family Relations

And why did you decide that it’s so possible with you, for what, for what, why did you born and live in order to suffer, not allow yourself to have your own opinion, desires, give up your aspirations, constantly make excuses? For what, why, why are you doing this to yourself? The patience of such a negative is a destructive position, capable of causing, in addition to psychological (personality destruction), real physical diseases. You are young and beautiful, you must enjoy life, the attitude of a man. Each person determines for himself the conditions of a happy life, the limits of patience, the rules for dealing with himself. You for yourself must once and for all decide whether to be an entire life justifying victim or to become a self-sufficient, happy woman. We meet and marry a man in order to feel his love, support, confidence that we are the best. If the relationship began to deteriorate, it means that something in them initially did not happen correctly, there is not enough mutual respect, support, sincerity, understanding, openness. A family is the rear, an island of happiness, a quiet coast, but ... not at such a price when you completely put yourself in dependence on the mood, rules, and principles of your husband, you live with caution, apprehension, guilt and are not happy. Harmonious couples discuss all issues, make decisions together, compromise, see, and also support and develop positive qualities in each other, value, respect, enjoy the person, miss him, protect, accept who they are, knowing and negative traits, without focusing on them, without looking for them. The union of loving people is the focus of trust, comfort, warmth, security, tenderness and attention to each other, here the partners do not assert themselves at the expense of each other, do not compete, do not prove anything, do not manipulate. The husband offends you, expresses discontent, reproaches, requires certain behavior. But this is his vision of the situation, relations, the role of women. He wants to make you an ideal wife according to your ideas - docile, not objecting, doing everything as he wants. Then what he feels for you cannot be unambiguously called love, because love is unconditional, it does not accept conditions, boundaries and barriers, it is a feeling that makes a person happy, whole, it is not necessary and impossible to beg for, as well as respect , attention, warm. It is not possible and it is not necessary to constantly adapt to other people's standards, to meet someone’s requirements. You should not make excuses, ask, prove that you are good to anyone, neither to him, nor to yourself. You are not at all to blame for anything. If you agree with him, be silent, endure, then in this way you give him a subconscious signal that it is possible with you that you will forgive and still be with him, that you are guilty and want to improve, that your interests, principles, desires are not important (for the sake of what to devalue yourself?). But in any situation there is always the role of both partners: they behave with us as we assume, even if we are inactive, this is also a certain signal, also a type of reaction, also a choice. That is, both of you have come to this situation on equal terms. Understand that with a woman there is always the man whom she allows to be, he behaves with her in the same way, appreciates and loves just as much as she appreciates and loves herself. Next to us are those people whom we allowed. Let us take what happened as a life experience, free ourselves from the incorrect perception of ourselves and negative emotions, fears, anxious expectations, begin to become ourselves and realize our value as a person, a beautiful woman. No situation is given to us without the strength, ways, opportunities to survive it and move on. Think about everything that has happened and is happening to you now - emotions, desires, whether you feel necessary, better, happy. Build your life and relationship with a man in accordance with your plans, desires, ideas about happiness. Learn to value, love, respect yourself, expressing it in actions in relation to yourself (and not in demonstrative insults, for example) so people will relate to you. Always remember that you are very good, clever and beautiful, worthy to be loved and happy, recognized, adored and respected, not doing anything specifically for this, not deserving, but simply because you are just like that! So feel yourself henceforth, and keep it up. Your man insults you with all his behavior, attitude, accuses you, cannot accept you completely, that means he has psychological problems, so he asserts himself at your expense and the more often he does it, the stronger his self-doubt, inability to cope with this, fear of being abandoned , unfairly offended, not accepted. This is not your fault. These qualities of character are formed from childhood, just now they have begun to manifest themselves more strongly. He will not be able to overcome the problem on his own, he will not be aware of it, even if you say he will categorically deny that you will not be able to radically affect his character and behavior either, because you can change another person only if he wants to and starts to work on himself. So far, it is likely that you are reacting as he expects, in your own way “obeying and obeying”, performing his duties as well, and he understands that you can be controlled. Will you continue with him, will part, if you go to a psychologist together - you decide. If you wait that he himself will understand and begin to meet you, waste your time - men are far from guessing our thoughts, desires, feelings, they need to talk, explain everything, because they live by logic, and not by sensory, as we are. You have something to think about. Build your relationships according to rules that will suit both of you and make both of you happier. If the second partner refuses to change something in himself, his relationship, rests and oppresses his line, despite the fact that it causes suffering to a loving person, then this is also a problem for both, so the second allows you to treat yourself like that. The result is always negative - sliding into eternal quarrels, isolation or separation. Let me remind you that the state will obligate him to worry about children financially; alimony can be filed without a divorce. But first you need to get out of the usual stereotype, sit down at the negotiating table and begin to work out together to develop acceptable models of behavior for both. Talk to him very seriously, calmly, confidently, not from the position of an acquitted and defending victim, but from the perspective of a mature person. Openness and frankness are the key to the harmony of couples. Let him understand that everything is serious, that there will be no further what he was before. You will be able to agree and work out acceptable models of interaction if you still have feelings. Believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you start to treat yourself with care and respect - love yourself, value your thoughts, actions, decisions, your opinion, time, desires, appearance, goals. In any conditions, maintain your psychological integrity, never dissolve in a person and in relationships. Do not allow your feeling of happiness, fullness of life to depend on the presence / absence of one person, his opinion, behavior. You should always be interesting to yourself in every sense. This means developing, improving yourself, having your own inner “island of happiness”, which will be your life support and a source of strength, inspiration. That is, do not focus only on relationships, have something of your own, interesting, pleasing, evoking desire and incentive to always be “in good shape”. Be good above all to yourself. Become the main value for yourself, the object of the application of efforts, a life guide, you are worth it, you will never give up on yourself, do not offend, do not betray. Believe in yourself, everything will be fine with you, do not be afraid of anything - live with these thoughts. Whether a person is happy or not depends on what he thinks about this - let yourself be what you want. Think about everything, make a decision and start creating your own world, life, relationships according to your ideas about happiness. Never expect someone to make you happy, add yourself all that is missing - emotions, joyful events, small holidays, enthusiasm, meetings, traditions, words, drive and positive, you have every right. Everything is possible. Think, act. Everything will be fine with you, it doesn’t matter with or without this person. This is a very short answer. If you have any questions, you want to clarify the situation, get answers, figure it out, write a chat, I will gladly help, support, show a professional look and solutions. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. I will be grateful for the assessment of the answer.

The situation when a man yells at a woman is as old as the world. Representatives of the stronger sex often allow themselves to communicate with their soul mate in raised tones, bringing her to tears and making her feel unhappy. Why it happens? What could be the reason for such behavior on the part of a man? What actions should a woman take in order to no longer hear screams at her? The psychologist gave comprehensive answers to these and many other questions. Svetlana Ivanova (http://svetoch39.ru).

A man yells at a woman: possible reasons

According to Svetlana, modern psychology highlights several main causes of male cries:

* Unmet needs;

* increased impulsivity;

* copying the behavior of one of the parents;

* hidden fears;

* complexes.

Unmet need is the most common rationale for why a man is screaming. Moreover, needs can be both the most primitive (food, sex, relaxation), and deeper - the inability to realize oneself in life, misunderstanding of others, internal conflicts, etc. Often a woman becomes a kind of object for a splash, accumulated negativity at work. Often a man himself does not understand why he screams. In this case, it is worth contacting a specialist.

Of great importance in determining the relevance of gender role standards that have developed in the public mind. Human psychology implies that a man is a getter, strong, courageous and aggressive, while a woman is an affectionate, patient guardian of a family hearth. If a man does not meet such standards, an internal conflict matures in his subconscious, growing into dissatisfaction. In modern society, the roles of men and women are mixed up and change quite often. So, a husband, earning less than his wife, is forced to perform women's duties, to sit with children. This creates an internal discomfort that leads to conflicts in the family.

The man shouts: when is the woman to blame?

Some women, knowingly or unconsciously, drive a man out of themselves, making them scream. From the point of view of psychology, such behavior can be justified either by an emotional need, or by a desire to receive secondary benefits. In the first case, such a woman’s behavior is associated with a lack of emotions, or after a stormy clarification of the relationship, the couple has no less stormy reconciliation in bed. Causing a man’s cry for the purpose of obtaining secondary benefits, a woman expects that her husband, having lost his temper, will feel guilty in front of her and, in order to make amends, will fulfill any requests.

Sometimes a woman unconsciously provokes a man to scream, because she observed such relationships in childhood between her parents. At the same time, the husband, who grew up in a situation where the father constantly shouted at his mother, will subconsciously transfer such relationships to his family, not understanding himself why this is happening.

Ways to solve the problem

The psychology of men and women is fundamentally different. If the fair sex women usually vigorously express their emotions, their courageous soul mates, on the contrary, keep their discontent in themselves until it pours out on others in the form of screaming and aggression. In order not to bring the situation to a critical point, a psychologist Svetlana Ivanova   advises couples to talk to each other more often, directly declare that they are not happy with each of the parties. If a man is screaming, you need to try to find out the reason for his discontent, make every effort to help solve the problem, perhaps somewhere to compromise.

No need to silently endure screams at yourself. It should be explained to the man that such behavior on his part causes pain, suffering, etc. Moreover, this applies not only to the relationship between husband and wife - children can also be the object of a man's scream, and a frank conversation.

Sometimes it helps to set the boundaries of what is permitted and reduce tension in the family. However, this approach only works, provided that the man does not have any mental deviations that determine his aggressive behavior.

Sometimes the cry of a man is associated with psychopathic disorders. For example, the psychology of male narcissists is such that they scream at others in order to draw attention to themselves and their virtues. In this case, the help of a psychologist is required, since within the family this problem cannot be solved. Nevertheless, it is not worthwhile to make a disappointing diagnosis on your own, since some symptomatic manifestations of psychopathy can be detected in absolutely every person if desired.

If you cannot solve the problem on your own, an experienced psychologist will certainly help you find the cause of the man’s screams and return harmony and understanding to the family. The main thing is not to despair and really want to build relationships.