Reviews on the book "How to Talk with Anyone. Confident Communication" Mark Rhodes. Introduction why do you want to talk to anyone. About the book “How to Talk with Anyone. Confident communication in any situation ”Mark Rhodes

If at least once in your life you missed the opportunity to use personal contact with people important to you, listen to the advice of Mark Rhodes. It will help you figure out exactly what reasons prevent you from communicating freely in a variety of situations, explain how to make your voice work for you and how to deal with pitfalls that are absolutely always found when talking face to face. You can change your attitude to communication and look at it as a pleasant process that can change your life for the better. Published in Russian for the first time.

* * *

The given introductory fragment of the book How to talk with anyone. Confident communication in any situation (Mark Rhodes, 2013)   provided by our book partner - LitRes company.

Part one

Typical fears and barriers to talking to absolutely anyone

Fear: does it hold you back?

Like most people, you must happen to be in situations where you hesitate to say something or start a conversation. At the same time, you may have a person well-known to you or a stranger. This is partly due to a lack of necessary skills: you simply do not know how to start or have a conversation. But there is another deterrent to many factors - fear. Perhaps you do not consider your feelings to be fear. Perhaps you call them insecurity, or maybe the moment “seems inappropriate” to you. But no matter what you justify them, it is fear that stops you - no matter how it manifests.

This may be a concern about what they think about you, a fear that you will look stupid or make a mistake. Finally, it may be a fear of rejection. You do not hesitate because you are afraid to like it!

So, what is fear and how can this feeling be transformed in order to act calmly and confidently?

Fear is an emotional reaction to the situation you are in or that you imagine. Your thoughts about the situation determine your well-being and emotions that motivate you to act (or refrain from action). The quality of the action, in turn, determines the final result, and it - in the order of feedback - is reflected in thoughts that in the future you will associate with this situation.

Naturally, the same thing happens when you are afraid of something. If you think that everything will go wrong, then the situation causes you an unpleasant feeling and you are unlikely to be able to prove your best.

Remember the important formula:

What is fear?

Fear is an emotional reaction to the situation you are in or which you imagine as possible. This reaction is individual: after all, it happens that in the same situation of two people, only one experiences fear. Fear can also be associated with the “primitive” area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness, which, when you obey it, causes an instinctive reaction: you either fight or flee.

What you are afraid of in everyday life, as a rule, poses absolutely no threat to life, but the primeval area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness is of little concern. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation makes you fear: you were asked to stand up and make a presentation, you are talking with a stranger, you are doing something really dangerous - the primitive area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness is all the same.

Responses in the form of fear over time - when we observe how our parents react to something, find ourselves in frightening situations or learn about them from other people - they only strengthen. Therefore, in order to reduce the feeling of fear or get rid of it, you must first change the thoughts and feelings in the formula

Thoughts → Sensations → Actions → Results

It is necessary to reduce or get rid of the emotional stress caused by fear, because it is it that keeps you from acting.

How scared are you?

When you have to start a difficult conversation or start a conversation with a stranger, how scary is this for you? It is important to understand how much fear you experience in a particular situation. Many people do not need to completely get rid of fear in order to gain the ability to act - just lower it to an acceptable level.

Some consider fear in such situations to be natural and do not back down, even when experiencing moderate or severe fear. The other is quite small enough to abandon the action. If you have already happened to achieve something in spite of fear, then you are likely to carry fear more easily. When you carried out your plan, in spite of the fact that you were scared, you must have convinced yourself that fear is not a reason to retreat and abandon action.

Let go of your fear

A very useful exercise that you can start now is to measure the level of fear that you experience in different situations. Having determined your initial level, you will be able to evaluate successes in the future when you act in spite of fear, or do exercises designed to reduce it.

To measure fear, we will use an indicator called the level of SED, where the SED stands for Subjective Unit of Discomfort. You will take the measurements yourself: this is your completely individual scale.

To determine your level of SED in a specific situation, it is not necessary to be in this situation and experience real fear. If you imagine this situation, this, as a rule, will be enough to understand how strong fear you would experience.

Here's how this method works.

When you find yourself in a situation that inspires fear, ask yourself:

“How scared am I?” How high is my level of fear on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 - “This is not a problem at all, I can do it with ease”, and 10 - “I know that I will die if I do this.”

The following step-by-step instructions will help you measure your level of fear.

1. Remember when you last got into a situation that instills fear in you.

2. Mentally imagine what you saw at that moment.

3. Imagine that you are able to hear any sounds that were then heard, or words that someone spoke to you, or that you spoke to yourself.

4. Ask yourself: “How scared was I in that situation on a scale from 0 to 10?”

If it is difficult for you to experience fear, just imagining something, put yourself in a situation that causes fear, and measure it.

For example, if you’re afraid of talking to strangers, do the following exercise:

1. Go to some crowded place.

2. Tell yourself that you intend to force yourself to speak with someone.

3. Think what you say or what question you ask - even "Could you tell me what time it is, please?"

4. Start moving towards a stranger.

5. Talk to him.

Indeed, you will talk to him or not, it does not matter. The main thing is that you measure the SED indicator by asking yourself: “How high was my level of fear on a scale from 0 to 10?”

No matter what indicator you have now. This is just a reference point for you, and only for you. Now, working with this book, you will be able to regularly measure your level of ETS and evaluate your progress.

It is enough for some to understand that they have a set of skills that allow you to start and maintain a conversation and resolve difficult situations - then they begin to enter into conversations, despite their level of fear or the value of the SED indicator. Others are constrained by fear to such an extent that it should be treated with all attention and try to reduce it to an acceptable level on the ETS scale. We will now take up this case.

Fear and anxiety

It is important to understand the difference between fear and anxiety.

Fear is usually associated with a specific current situation. Suppose you are told: "Get up and tell us what you did all this week." If it is unbearable for you to do this, you will experience fear.

Anxiety is somewhat different, although it has symptoms similar to fear and manifests itself in similar sensations. Anxiety is a disturbing feeling associated with a future situation, which in fact may never happen. Therefore, we are not dealing with fear of something, but of concern about something, and for many, this change of concepts helps to make the situation they have to experience less frightening.

How to reduce fear or act in spite of it

There are several ways to lower the level of ETS. Some methods are suitable for some, others for others.

1. Learning the necessary skills in an area that arouses your fear can help you. Repeating actions again and again, you experience less and less fear, and often it completely disappears. But even if its level does not drop to zero, then for most people, a unit or two on the CED scale is already quite good indicators. Mild fear is natural, normal, and completely harmless.

2. Fear is based on ideas about the situation and, as a rule, assumptions about its outcome. One simple way to reduce your fear is to look at the situation differently. Try to imagine the situation that scares you the way you imagine something fearless. For example, I realized that my fear of public speaking became stronger due to the fact that I imagined to myself that I would not succeed. At the same time, I was not afraid of meetings at which sales organization was discussed, I liked them. And I realized that from such meetings I always expected good. Then I decided to apply the same approach to public speaking: I stopped thinking about what could go wrong and developed a habit of imagining that everything would go well. In addition, I noticed that when I imagine a meeting on sales organization, my inner voice is full of optimism, and when I think about a public speech, he is joyless and depressed. I changed this habit: having caught myself on the fact that I was talking to myself in a voice full of sadness, I began to mentally repeat the same words, filling my inner voice with optimism. Changing the way you think, you change your feelings, and fear is rooted in them. Consulting a hypnotherapist or NLP specialist may be helpful.

End of fact sheet.

Mark Rhodes

How to talk with anyone. Confident communication in any situation

Mark rhodes

HOW TO TALK TO ABSOLUTELY ANYONE

Confident Communication in Every Situation

Courtesy of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and literary agency Alexander Korzhenevski

Legal support for the publisher is provided by the Vegas-Lex Law Firm.

© Mark Rhodes 2013

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. LLC Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2015

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Communication skill

Paul McGee

I hear you through and through

Mark Goulston

Key negotiations

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Granny and Ron Macmillan

* * *

They say everyone needs a mentor. But I always thought: yes, to everyone except me! I thought that I didn’t need a mentor. I have enough other sources: books, video discs, my own thoughts - I am able to edify myself!

But just recently, I realized why I didn’t need a mentor: because I already have one!

All this time I had a mentor who supported me when doubts prevailed, and encouraged me when it seemed to me that something would not work.

My mentor even helped those who believed in me when I felt tight, and regularly reminded me of all my achievements.

In addition to the mentor, I have two more inspirers, encouraging me to do more and improve.

Therefore, I lovingly dedicate this book to my mentor and wife Jackie Rhodes and, of course, to my two masterminds - our children Holly and James.

Foreword

I must admit, I was a little surprised and puzzled when Mark suggested that I write a preface to his book. You see, I am a specialist in makeup, cosmetics, body care and style. So I did not quite understand why Mark asked me to write a preface for such a book. But then, when I started reading, everything became clear!

As a make-up artist, beautician and stylist, I was fortunate enough to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. With those who exude confidence, wherever they are - on the red carpet or on the stage in front of thousands of spectators!

On the other hand, for many years I starred in British television image shows, where I gave advice and turned ordinary Britons from gray mice into chic beauties and beauties. Demand for such shows is not weakening ... People want to   get the most out of what they have. And this does not have to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and require a lot of effort. Actually gorgeous look and feel like a star given not only   rich and famous ... This is an achievable goal that fits into the schedule and budget of any person!

The main thing you need is not Angelina Jolie's beautiful puffy lips and not Hugh Jackman's sculpted muscles, but confidence! Having revealed and emphasized your main advantages, you will embark on the path to gaining self-confidence!

The book “How to Talk with Anyone” has simple step-by-step instructions and ideas on how to increase self-confidence in order to find an approach to any person in any situation. From resolving delicate problem situations at work to breaking an excruciatingly awkward silence in the elevator ... This easy-to-understand book will help you reconsider your attitude to situations that seem difficult for you, both socially and personally.

I think she will be an excellent travel companion: scrolling through it, you can easily find what you are currently interested in, and in addition, it sets out available methods to increase self-confidence in a variety of tricky cases.

This book helps the reader expand his comfort zone, just like red lipstick could help any woman, and everyday skin care, if not for the good old Fear Factor: “I can’t say it for anything!” “I will never be able to wear this ...”

Mark's fresh approach to real everyday situations will instantly reflect on your interaction with friends, relatives and completely strangers. Even I, with my many years of experience in public speaking and conducting various events, found some invaluable advice from him.

Like Mark’s full-house seminars, this entire book is riddled with his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and it provides you with the opportunity to deal with a variety of situations, regardless of your experience.

Enjoy reading!

Armand Beasley   international expert in the field of cosmetology and style, makeup artist of world stars

Introduction

Why do you want to talk to anyone

The ability to communicate, talk with people is one of the most important skills that you can develop at home. We constantly communicate with someone. Sometimes it's simple, but it happens that communication seems impossible.

This book will introduce you to tools that will help you learn to communicate more naturally and efficiently. You will become more free to talk with familiar people and find out what prevents you from talking with those who are not familiar to you yet. Towards the end of the book you will already communicate more confidently and more, the process of communication will become more intensive, and you will begin to achieve more often the results that you are striving for.

Part one is about fears of having a conversation, from fear of rejection to worries about what you might think. You will also learn how to deal with the reluctance to communicate with strangers, which is inherent in many of us in childhood, and to enjoy such communication.

In the second part, four main stages of communicative interaction are analyzed in detail. You will learn many new skills that will help you achieve more from conversation and communication, for example, you will learn how to determine who you need to talk to and who you don’t; how to start a conversation; how to arouse the interlocutor's interest in what you want to say; how to direct a conversation with him in your preferred channel.

Part three is a master class on further improving communication skills, on working on voice and other methods of conducting conversation. I will also tell you how to get around typical pitfalls and how to build a difficult conversation - for example, tell a person about a mistake or ask him to do something for you.

But armed with all this information, you, of course, will have to go to action: get out of your shell and start communicating with people. As a result, you can talk with absolutely anyone - unless, of course, you want it!

The essence of communication is understanding.

The person you are talking to needs to feel that you understand him, and, of course, he must understand you too. Only after reaching mutual understanding can you achieve real success and establish closer contact.

Information transmitted during communication has two main levels.

1. Basic information: the words that you pronounce, and the immediate meaning extracted by the interlocutor from these words.

2. Collateral information: that the interlocutor can assume or conclude from your words, although you did not intend to inform him.

Collateral information is what is conveyed in addition to the words you utter, from the impression you make, to the numerous interpretations that your words allow.

Suppose you tell someone that you are paying your friend a trip on vacation. You may assume that you will be considered a generous person, but the interlocutor as a side information may receive a negative impression of your friends. He might think that you have friends who live on handouts, although in the conversation you had a completely different goal.

Many communication problems stem from mutual misunderstanding - from the discrepancy between what you want to put into your words, and the meaning that the interlocutor extracts from them.

Where does this mismatch come from? Why does mutual misunderstanding appear? Language is, among other things, a means of expressing human feelings. Emotions arise when we reflect or experience something that happens in the outside world. Then we put the words into sentences in order to express these emotions and communicate what we want, what we think, what we need, etc. All this happens on a subconscious level, and we do not have to think over each of our words.

Current page: 1 (total of the book has 11 pages) [available passage for reading: 3 pages]

Mark Rhodes
How to talk with anyone. Confident communication in any situation

Mark rhodes

HOW TO TALK TO ABSOLUTELY ANYONE

Confident Communication in Every Situation

Courtesy of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and literary agency Alexander Korzhenevski

Legal support for the publisher is provided by the Vegas-Lex Law Firm.

© Mark Rhodes 2013

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. LLC Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2015

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Communication skill

Paul McGee

I hear you through and through

Mark Goulston

Key negotiations

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Granny and Ron Macmillan

* * *

They say everyone needs a mentor. But I always thought: yes, to everyone except me! I thought that I didn’t need a mentor. I have enough other sources: books, video discs, my own thoughts - I am able to edify myself!

But just recently, I realized why I didn’t need a mentor: because I already have one!

All this time I had a mentor who supported me when doubts prevailed, and encouraged me when it seemed to me that something would not work.

My mentor even helped those who believed in me when I felt tight, and regularly reminded me of all my achievements.

In addition to the mentor, I have two more inspirers, encouraging me to do more and improve.

Therefore, I lovingly dedicate this book to my mentor and wife Jackie Rhodes and, of course, to my two masterminds - our children Holly and James.

Foreword

I must admit, I was a little surprised and puzzled when Mark suggested that I write a preface to his book. You see, I am a specialist in makeup, cosmetics, body care and style. So I did not quite understand why Mark asked me to write a preface for such a book. But then, when I started reading, everything became clear!

As a make-up artist, beautician and stylist, I was fortunate enough to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. With those who exude confidence, wherever they are - on the red carpet or on the stage in front of thousands of spectators!

On the other hand, for many years I starred in British television image shows, where I gave advice and turned ordinary Britons from gray mice into chic beauties and beauties. Demand for such shows is not weakening ... People want to   get the most out of what they have. And this does not have to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and require a lot of effort. Actually gorgeous look and feel like a star given not only   rich and famous ... This is an achievable goal that fits into the schedule and budget of any person!

The main thing you need is not Angelina Jolie's beautiful puffy lips and not Hugh Jackman's sculpted muscles, but confidence! Having revealed and emphasized your main advantages, you will embark on the path to gaining self-confidence!

The book “How to Talk with Anyone” has simple step-by-step instructions and ideas on how to increase self-confidence in order to find an approach to any person in any situation. From resolving delicate problem situations at work to breaking an excruciatingly awkward silence in the elevator ... This easy-to-understand book will help you reconsider your attitude to situations that seem difficult for you, both socially and personally.

I think she will be an excellent travel companion: scrolling through it, you can easily find what you are currently interested in, and in addition, it sets out available methods to increase self-confidence in a variety of tricky cases.

This book helps the reader expand his comfort zone, just like red lipstick could help any woman, and everyday skin care, if not for the good old Fear Factor: “I can’t say it for anything!” “I will never be able to wear this ...”

Mark's fresh approach to real everyday situations will instantly reflect on your interaction with friends, relatives and completely strangers. Even I, with my many years of experience in public speaking and conducting various events, found some invaluable advice from him.

Like Mark’s full-house seminars, this entire book is riddled with his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and it provides you with the opportunity to deal with a variety of situations, regardless of your experience.

Enjoy reading!

Armand Beasley

international expert in the field of cosmetology and style, makeup artist of world stars

Introduction
Why do you want to talk to anyone

The ability to communicate, talk with people is one of the most important skills that you can develop at home. We constantly communicate with someone. Sometimes it's simple, but it happens that communication seems impossible.

This book will introduce you to tools that will help you learn to communicate more naturally and efficiently. You will become more free to talk with familiar people and find out what prevents you from talking with those who are not familiar to you yet. Towards the end of the book you will already communicate more confidently and more, the process of communication will become more intensive, and you will begin to achieve more often the results that you are striving for.

Part one is about fears of having a conversation, from fear of rejection to worries about what you might think. You will also learn how to deal with the reluctance to communicate with strangers, which is inherent in many of us in childhood, and to enjoy such communication.

In the second part, four main stages of communicative interaction are analyzed in detail. You will learn many new skills that will help you achieve more from conversation and communication, for example, you will learn how to determine who you need to talk to and who you don’t; how to start a conversation; how to arouse the interlocutor's interest in what you want to say; how to direct a conversation with him in your preferred channel.

Part three is a master class on further improving communication skills, on working on voice and other methods of conducting conversation. I will also tell you how to get around typical pitfalls and how to build a difficult conversation - for example, tell a person about a mistake or ask him to do something for you.

But armed with all this information, you, of course, will have to go to action: get out of your shell and start communicating with people. As a result, you can talk with absolutely anyone - unless, of course, you want it!

The essence of communication is understanding.

The person you are talking to needs to feel that you understand him, and, of course, he must understand you too. Only after reaching mutual understanding can you achieve real success and establish closer contact.

Information transmitted during communication has two main levels.

1. Basic information: the words that you pronounce, and the immediate meaning extracted by the interlocutor from these words.

2. Collateral information: that the interlocutor can assume or conclude from your words, although you did not intend to inform him.

Collateral information is what is conveyed in addition to the words you utter, from the impression you make, to the numerous interpretations that your words allow.

Suppose you tell someone that you are paying your friend a trip on vacation. You may assume that you will be considered a generous person, but the interlocutor as a side information may receive a negative impression of your friends. He might think that you have friends who live on handouts, although in the conversation you had a completely different goal.

Many communication problems stem from mutual misunderstanding - from the discrepancy between what you want to put into your words, and the meaning that the interlocutor extracts from them.

Where does this mismatch come from? Why does mutual misunderstanding appear? Language is, among other things, a means of expressing human feelings. Emotions arise when we reflect or experience something that happens in the outside world. Then we put the words into sentences in order to express these emotions and communicate what we want, what we think, what we need, etc. All this happens on a subconscious level, and we do not have to think over each of our words.

Mutual misunderstanding arises from the fact that different people use different phrases and words to convey their experiences. When you describe something to another person using specific words and phrases, these words and phrases may not be the same as your interlocutor would use when describing the same event. And this means that, most likely, no one else can perceive and understand your speech exactly the way you would do it.

Moreover, other people also think differently from you. Each of us has our own unique experience, and we see the world and our place in this world in different ways. Our views and values \u200b\u200bare different. At the heart of our verbal communication is that already   happened what happens now,   and what we want to   from life. We constantly process information, and each person has this process in his own way.

Imagine that you are driving and a car is popping right in front of you on the road. Before you say anything to your passenger, your brain will process the information received, taking into account the following factors:

Your values: what do you consider important in life.

Your views: how do you think people should and should not behave on the road and how they should and should not treat each other.

Your driving experience and similar situations.

Your assumptions, expectations and thoughts about what might happen in this situation.

When all this information is processed at a subconscious level, you will choose one of the possible comments that your passenger will hear.

If your passenger was driving, his reaction might be different. The same external event causes different reactions and different comments corresponding to them.

Words are perceived differently by different people and in each specific situation vary depending on who says them.

If, for example, I say: “I had a wonderful vacation,” this does not mean that you will have a wonderful vacation if you go to the same place and do the same there as I do.

You have a completely different set of criteria for what “wonderful” means when applied to holidays. Another example: take the word “frank”. For some, this is a compliment, implying sincerity and honesty. Others hear censure in him.

The thing is how we perceive what is happening. Perception tells you certain words and phrases, but you can never be sure that your interlocutor perceives what is happening just like you. That is why there is always mutual misunderstanding.

We pay attention to different things.

Why is it that eyewitnesses of the same event interpret it in completely different ways? According to the theory of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), when we experience something happening in the outside world, the brain selectively passes a rolling stream of information into itself - from five to nine circumstances that it can pay attention to at a time. But this set is different for different people.

As a rule, we notice what is most important to us or is consistent with our worldview. That is why two people who are present at one event can get completely different impressions from it: in the same atmosphere, everyone will notice his own. Suppose A. is afraid to go to football matches because a tense situation may arise in the crowd. Because of his prejudice, he will pay more attention to those who frown. And B. goes to the match, expecting to meet people there in a good mood and friendly. He will pay more attention to smiles and laughter. One and the same event, but completely different impressions.

If you have ever bought a car, you may be familiar with the following situation. You choose the brand, model and color. Here, finally, you have chosen it, and you are firmly convinced that it is precisely such cars that are rarely found on the road, or maybe not at all. Your brain does not consider significant what you only want to.   But it’s worth finally buying a car, as you begin to see exactly the same everywhere! Either the Universe decided to release all these cars on the streets - just to annoy you, or they were always there, but you did not notice them. So what has changed? Now that you have a car, your brain considers the facts of the appearance of the same cars to be especially significant, so they fall into the set of “five to nine circumstances”, information about which is currently being processed by the mind.

We are all unique. We see the world in different ways even with the same external stimuli. Not surprisingly, many of us feel insecure when we have to start a conversation. Communication is a real minefield, but your prospects, success and happiness depend on your interaction with other people; this is where this book comes in handy. With it, you can develop your communication skills, no matter what goals you set for yourself: communicate more, be a confident person, able to start a conversation with anyone, or improve your ability to sell and establish connections. One way or another, here you will find all the necessary strategies, ideas and techniques!

Part one
Typical fears and barriers to talking to absolutely anyone

1
Fear: does it hold you back?

Like most people, you must happen to be in situations where you hesitate to say something or start a conversation. At the same time, you may have a person well-known to you or a stranger. This is partly due to a lack of necessary skills: you simply do not know how to start or have a conversation. But there is another deterrent to many factors - fear. Perhaps you do not consider your feelings to be fear. Perhaps you call them insecurity, or maybe the moment “seems inappropriate” to you. But no matter what you justify them, it is fear that stops you - no matter how it manifests.

This may be a concern about what they think about you, a fear that you will look stupid or make a mistake. Finally, it may be a fear of rejection. You do not hesitate because you are afraid to like it!

So, what is fear and how can this feeling be transformed in order to act calmly and confidently?

Fear is an emotional reaction to the situation you are in or that you imagine. Your thoughts about the situation determine your well-being and emotions that motivate you to act (or refrain from action). The quality of the action, in turn, determines the final result, and it - in the order of feedback - is reflected in thoughts that in the future you will associate with this situation.

Naturally, the same thing happens when you are afraid of something. If you think that everything will go wrong, then the situation causes you an unpleasant feeling and you are unlikely to be able to prove your best.

Remember the important formula:

What is fear?

Fear is an emotional reaction to the situation you are in or which you imagine as possible. This reaction is individual: after all, it happens that in the same situation of two people, only one experiences fear. Fear can also be associated with the “primitive” area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness, which, when you obey it, causes an instinctive reaction: you either fight or flee.

What you are afraid of in everyday life, as a rule, poses absolutely no threat to life, but the primeval area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness is of little concern. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation makes you fear: you were asked to stand up and make a presentation, you are talking with a stranger, you are doing something really dangerous - the primitive area of \u200b\u200bconsciousness is all the same.

Responses in the form of fear over time - when we observe how our parents react to something, find ourselves in frightening situations or learn about them from other people - they only strengthen. Therefore, in order to reduce the feeling of fear or get rid of it, you must first change the thoughts and feelings in the formula

Thoughts → Sensations → Actions → Results

It is necessary to reduce or get rid of the emotional stress caused by fear, because it is it that keeps you from acting.

How scared are you?

When you have to start a difficult conversation or start a conversation with a stranger, how scary is this for you? It is important to understand how much fear you experience in a particular situation. Many people do not need to completely get rid of fear in order to gain the ability to act - just lower it to an acceptable level.

Some consider fear in such situations to be natural and do not back down, even when experiencing moderate or severe fear. The other is quite small enough to abandon the action. If you have already happened to achieve something in spite of fear, then you are likely to carry fear more easily. When you carried out your plan, in spite of the fact that you were scared, you must have convinced yourself that fear is not a reason to retreat and abandon action.

Let go of your fear

A very useful exercise that you can start now is to measure the level of fear that you experience in different situations. Having determined your initial level, you will be able to evaluate successes in the future when you act in spite of fear, or do exercises designed to reduce it.

To measure fear, we will use an indicator called the level of SED, where the SED stands for Subjective Unit of Discomfort. You will take the measurements yourself: this is your completely individual scale.

To determine your level of SED in a specific situation, it is not necessary to be in this situation and experience real fear. If you imagine this situation, this, as a rule, will be enough to understand how strong fear you would experience.

Here's how this method works.

When you find yourself in a situation that inspires fear, ask yourself:

“How scared am I?” How high is my level of fear on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 - “This is not a problem at all, I can do it with ease”, and 10 - “I know that I will die if I do this.”

The following step-by-step instructions will help you measure your level of fear.

1. Remember when you last got into a situation that instills fear in you.

2. Mentally imagine what you saw at that moment.

3. Imagine that you are able to hear any sounds that were then heard, or words that someone spoke to you, or that you spoke to yourself.

4. Ask yourself: “How scared was I in that situation on a scale from 0 to 10?”

If it is difficult for you to experience fear, just imagining something, put yourself in a situation that causes fear, and measure it.

For example, if you’re afraid of talking to strangers, do the following exercise:

1. Go to some crowded place.

2. Tell yourself that you intend to force yourself to speak with someone.

3. Think what you say or what question you ask - even "Could you tell me what time it is, please?"

4. Start moving towards a stranger.

5. Talk to him.

Indeed, you will talk to him or not, it does not matter. The main thing is that you measure the SED indicator by asking yourself: “How high was my level of fear on a scale from 0 to 10?”

No matter what indicator you have now. This is just a reference point for you, and only for you. Now, working with this book, you will be able to regularly measure your level of ETS and evaluate your progress.

It is enough for some to understand that they have a set of skills that allow you to start and maintain a conversation and resolve difficult situations - then they begin to enter into conversations, despite their level of fear or the value of the SED indicator. Others are constrained by fear to such an extent that it should be treated with all attention and try to reduce it to an acceptable level on the ETS scale. We will now take up this case.

I must admit, I was a little surprised and puzzled when Mark suggested that I write a preface to his book. You see, I am a specialist in makeup, cosmetics, body care and style. So I did not quite understand why Mark asked me to write a preface for such a book. But then, when I started reading, everything became clear!

As a makeup artist, cosmetologist and stylist, I was fortunate enough to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. With those who exude confidence, wherever they are - on the red carpet or on the stage in front of thousands of spectators!

On the other hand, I starred in British television image shows for many years, where I gave advice and turned ordinary Britons from gray mice into chic beauties and beauties. Demand for such shows is not weakening ... People want to get the most out of what they have. And this does not have to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and require a lot of effort. In fact, it’s not only the rich and famous that is given to look and feel like a star ... It is an achievable goal that fits into the schedule and budget of any person!

The main thing you need is not Angelina Jolie’s beautiful chubby lips and Hugh Jackman’s not sculpted muscles, but confidence! Having revealed and emphasized your main advantages, you will embark on the path to gaining self-confidence!

In the book " How to talk with anyone"There are simple step-by-step instructions and ideas on how to increase self-confidence in order to find an approach to any person in any situation. From resolving delicate problem situations at work to breaking an excruciatingly awkward silence in the elevator ... This easy-to-understand book will help you reconsider your attitude to situations that seem difficult for you, both socially and personally.

I think she will be an excellent travel companion: scrolling through it, you can easily find what you are currently interested in, and in addition, it sets out available methods to increase self-confidence in a variety of tricky cases.

This book helps the reader expand his comfort zone, just as red lipstick could help any woman, and everyday skin care, if not for the good old Fear Factor, could help any man: “I can’t say it for anything!”, “I will never be able to wear this ...”

Mark's fresh approach to real everyday situations will instantly reflect on your interaction with friends, relatives and completely strangers. Even I, with my many years of experience in public speaking and conducting various events, found some invaluable advice from him.

Like Mark’s full-house seminars, this entire book is riddled with his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and it provides you with the opportunity to deal with a variety of situations, regardless of your experience.

Enjoy reading!

Armand Beasley
international expert in the field of cosmetology and style,
makeup artist of world stars.